


No Easy Way Down

by Carmenghia



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: 1970s, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Making Out, New York City, Oral Sex, Plot, Pre-Canon, Sex Work, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:47:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmenghia/pseuds/Carmenghia
Summary: Javi is sent off on temporary assignment to assist in taking down a major drug ring in the summer of 1977 in NYC and finds a way to pass the time.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My crazy brain put this in my head and it has not left. Set before the events of Narcos. I am taking liberties with Javi’s timeline and general events of the crimes discussed, but much of what is in here is based on my research as well as being a New Yorker.

\--

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Javi couldn’t believe this shit. He’d just settled into his new apartment, found the one bar that had a beer and shot special under three dollars, and was perfectly happy to ride out this assignment until his transfer to Bogota came through.

He didn’t expect his Monday to start with the news the rug had been pulled out from under him. By the Administration, no less. 

His boss twirled a paperclip between his thumbs, and frowned deeply, in a way that Javi knew that he had to suck this up and take it. 

“Came down from Lewis himself. They are hemorrhaging, Peña. Between the NYPD’s corruption and pressure from Carter to get this under control, Lewis is getting creative. Just eat the assignment, and I’ll fast track you to Columba. Twelve weeks max, and then you’re out. It will be over before you know it.”

He leveled a look at the man. Menedez had just made Special Agent in Charge, and Peña knew that he was going to do exactly what the top brass saw fit. 

His father had told him to be prepared for this type of thing. All these agencies, once they had you, they owned you. Especially if you were in the field and relatively new.

“They have to have enough bodies on this already, right? Joint Task Force? Why are they pulling agents from other offices?”

Javi paced slightly, wondering if there was a way to work this to his advantage. He’d been with the DEA for almost two years and been not so patiently waiting for a real chance to do something interesting. Austin was a stepping stone, away from the border and the mistake he’d made with Lorraine. 

He was still stinging from his own betrayal, shocked that he left her but still knowing it was the right thing for her. She’d be much happier and Javi wouldn’t feel the overwhelming guilt of being tethered to someone else. 

“Nicky Barnes. Seems to think he’s above the law. Did a whole _spread_ in the New York Times - take a look at him.”

Menedez tossed the magazine over and Javi took a look at the cover. Looked like any other businessman, albeit this one was being accused of being the biggest heroin dealer in New York. The headline called him ‘Mr. Untouchable.’ 

“This really pissed Carter off.” Menedez continued. “Barnes has already put four agents out of commission after a high-speed chase. Two agents killed in shoot-outs. He’s got too many police on the payroll. Investigation has been on life support but this finally got some federal money behind it.”

“So why me?” Javi pulled out a cigarette, his hands needing something to do with the rush of information. 

Menedez snorted. “Come on, I am not here to stroke your ego, Peña. You’ve got no family, you’re young, and most of all, I can tell you are hungry for it. When I got the ask, you were the only person I _could_ send out of everyone here.” 

Javi’s fist clenched, as he took a drag of his cigarette, the tension thick. He didn’t know if he should hit a wall or be grateful that Menedez was giving him an out that increased his transfer leverage. This level of fuckery was nothing he had to deal with when he was with Laredo PD. 

“Who is taking the Meade trafficking case then?” 

I”ll give it to Michaelson. He seems bored.” 

Javi shook his head. He’d been carefully building the case, painstakingly collecting evidence month over month, and had gotten a reliable informant inside the organization that was providing prime intel. All his work for the last nine months just flushed down the toilet. Fucking DEA politics.

“I want that transfer in writing, Menedez.”

“You got it, Javi.” 

“I'm serious!” Javi yelled as his boss fled back to his office. 

It was like someone had lit a fire to the path in front of him. He prided himself on keeping control of his work, carefully planning his next move, and trying to be one step ahead of whatever bullshit was flung his way. New York had never been on his radar, and as thumbed through the article about Barnes, he snorted at the bravado of the man who drove a Maserati around the city for hours, doing nothing, just to tie up the DEA’s time. 

That was next-level screwing around. Javi couldn’t help buy admire someone so dedicated to fucking with people. 

The ringing of the phone shook him out of his reverie and he picked up the receiver, his voice gruff. 

“Peña.” The voice on the other line reminded him of one last loose end he’d need to tie up. 

Vanessa. They’d be seeing each other for the last month, and Javi supposed this was good as any of an excuse to bow out of what was increasingly becoming way too serious for him. 

At least now he had a real out. 

He purred into the receiver, his voice lowered, “Bad news, baby. Looks like we have to make this week count.” 

\--

Javi wiped his brow, the oppressive heat a surprise even for his Texas-bred body. The humidity certainly wasn’t as bad as home, but the air had nowhere to go, and the heat made the mix of sweat, trash, and street food feel like it was on him, rather than around him. He’d long abandoned his suit jacket, the fabric of his light shirt clinging to him like a vice. 

Of course he arrived in the city during a heat wave. 

In less than a week he had wrapped up what little life he had started in Austin; Menedez told him that the sooner he was on the ground, the quicker he could come back. He’d made sure to make that week count too; he’d fucked Vanessa every which way, on every usable surface in his apartment until even he thought he couldn’t fuck anymore, his last words a non-committal response when she asked when he’d be back. 

And he got the damn transfer in writing. Austin would be a pit stop to Bogota. He even confirmed it with the SAC in Columbia. That surety had given him little relief, being thrust into a case that seemed doomed to fail. He didn’t need this hanging over him while trying to make a name for himself. 

He was standing in the reception area of the DEA’s field office; a much nicer and more modern building than the modest office in Austin. The ride up to the seventeenth floor had been surreal, but he supposed New York did things differently. If he craned his neck in the right way, he could even see the Hudson River from the large windows in the reception area. The receptionist gave him a sweet shy smile, her eyes looking him up and down, approvingly. 

Some things didn’t change, no matter what city he was in. 

“Hi there, What’s your….” The whoosh and creak of the large door made him pause, a harried and tired looking man leveling a glance at him. 

“Agent Peña?” The man who entered the reception area was skinnier than a beanpole, with a mess of ruddy hair on top. 

He nodded. “Are you Rickets?” He eased his posture back from the reception desk, a look of regret and promise on his face. 

_Plenty of time_. 

“Yeah. Evan Rickets, NYPD Task Force. Come on, a few people are in, but you’ll see everyone tomorrow.”

Javi turned around before disappearing through the door, his eyes dancing across the sweet redhead’s body as he threw her a wink. 

“I’ll make sure to see you later.” 

\--

“I’ll be your liaison between the city team. Most of the beat cops are stationed downtown, and a few uptown. Primarily, this is just a DEA office. We start at eight sharp most days, so most everyone has left for the day.”

Javi’s eyebrow raised slightly. “Even field agents?”

“Everyone.” Rickets made an exasperated sigh. “Don’t ask. It’s some D.C thing.” 

Javi was glad that memo hadn’t made it to Texas. 

“You can take Baker’s desk. He’s going to be out for at least three months.”

The pile of paperwork that sat on top of “his” new desk was menacingly close to toppling over. He carefully moved the pile into an empty box beside the desk. Not that it helped much. There wasn’t even a fucking typewriter or phone for him to get shit done. 

What pile of shit did he step into? 

“Diaz!” He shouted over Peña's shoulder. “Come meet your new partner.”

Javi swerved around, surprised to see a petite, dark-haired woman. There were no female agents in his office, and she was the first he met since he started at the DEA. 

“Mercedes Diaz, Javier Peña. Mercedes is our primary undercover agent.” 

He could see why she was pulled for undercover. Petite, young, and attractive. Could probably handle the long hours. She had that hungry look he recognized as ambition and bravado. It was the same look he saw in the mirror. He liked her already.

However, his face must have registered surprise because he got a hard stare from the woman across him. She looked as serious as a heart attack. 

“Yes, I _am_ a field agent, Peña.” 

Javi defensively put up his hands. “Hey. You won’t get any shit from me. We don’t have any women in the field in Texas yet, that’s all.” He tried to be as sincere as possible and not be distracted by the fact that her attitude made her even more attractive. If she was going to be his partner, it was easy for him to shut off that part of his brain. While a receptionist was one thing, fucking your partner was definitely a one-way ticket to screwing your entire career. Even he had his limits. 

Diaz glared. “No female field agents? Damn. Guess we do go harder in New York.” Her stance relaxed a bit, and Javi took it as an invitation to try to show he was serious about working with her. 

“Look, call me Javi, everyone does. I’ve got the same goal as you do, and I am not looking to give you shit. I take being partners seriously. It’s a tough job, no matter who you are. ”

Javi paused, his hand on his chin, waiting to see how she’d respond. 

“No shit.” She snorted. “If you are serious, grab a seat and I’ll give you the rundown of what hasn’t worked so far.”

Javi pulled up a chair as she sat, and listened to her debrief him on how things had been going the last few months. She’d been undercover, trying to get closer to Barnes in his after-hours clubs. She’d gotten as far as getting in good with some of his girls, but discovered she wasn’t really his type, so she couldn’t catch his eye. The team had collared a few low-level dealers by buying heroin at the parties, but nothing that could tie back to Barnes directly. A lot of documentation and evidence had been improperly filed by the police, and it was hard to get it to stick, especially when lower-level hustlers were a dime a dozen and easy to prosecute. She told him that they all knew about the New York Times piece weeks before it was going to be published, right as they had more funding pulled for their operations. In short, it was a huge clusterfuck, and yet here she was, risking her life for little payout. 

And then there were the room taps. 

“We’ve been trying to get a tap down into any of the buildings he frequents the last few days. Agents dangling on roofs, running lines anywhere they can. That’s how Baker fell. Broke his spine. Over a goddamn tap. All we get is interference. They’ve got much better equipment than we do, and have money to spare.” She sighed, a weariness in her voice that Javi recognized as the weight of disappointment.

He’d certainly been there more than once and gave her a solemn nod. “But you haven’t given up.”

She shook her head. “I’m like a dog with a bone, Peña. I’ve got my teeth in and I am not going to let go of this one.”

“So besides getting nowhere with taps, what’s next? If we know where he is, why aren’t we going full on?”

Diaz gave him an exasperated look. “What do you think I do most nights? You think after-parties in Harlem are my favorite thing to do? Shit is exhausting, and full of nasty men. But so far, it’s been our best chance of getting something we can pin on him. I’ve got a van outside with agents recording everything. It’s taken me months to build up trust.”

Javi shook his head. “Why are we fooling around like this, putting agents…” He paused. “...putting _you_ in danger? Why aren’t we getting his lieutenants to turn?”

She leaned forward, her mouth downturned and eyes serious. Javi knew she had seen some shit she didn’t want to think about and here he was, churning it all back up. 

“Peña, a word of advice. This isn’t Texas. The game is different here. The nickname isn’t just for show. Nothing has stuck. I’ve one partner die, and another one isn’t going to walk again. We’re having to get our hands dirty here. You’re going to have to trust us. _Trust me_. I know how to work this case. What I need is a partner who won’t second guess me.”

Javi sighed. He knew being dropped into an ongoing case would be a shitshow, but he wasn’t prepared for the emotional weight of dead agents, and ghosts that seemed to be chasing Diaz, even as she tried to outrun them.

“So give me everything you got on Barnes. I’ve got your back, I promise.” 

\--

They ended up in the office late into the night, and she took him through everything from start to finish. By the time they called it quits, he was half-asleep and punch drunk with fatigue, but felt he had earned just a bit more respect from her. She sprang for sandwiches from the corner deli, and he found out she was a true native New Yorker, all the more reason why she wanted to see the man and his organization off her streets. And most importantly, she knew he was all in on this. If nothing else, Javi took knowing a case inside and out seriously. 

He rolled out of bed late, the jet lag and late night hitting him hard. Without any official work until Monday, he tried to push through the additional background Diaz had given him, but had given up when the words melded into one long sentence. He was restless and in need of some kind of release. 

The closest bar to his apartment was a true local; sandwiched between a pawn shop and deli on the block. He hadn’t bothered with agency housing, and instead found a place on a quiet street on the West side. The late afternoon clientele was thin so far, but the bartender assured him that they picked up later. 

He swirled the whiskey in his glass, his thoughts dark and angry that someone like Diaz was bearing the weight of the agency’s failures. It wasn’t right and after hearing she was the last original agent on the case, he knew she felt like it was only a matter of time before her number was up. She was right, New York wasn’t like Texas. Everything here was much closer, including the prospect of being killed in the line of duty. 

He shook his head, nodding to the bartender for another. A dark-haired woman at the end of the bar, her low-cut dress leaving little to his imagination caught his eye. He hadn’t seen her come in. Her eyes caught his gaze, her look somewhere between surprise and enticement. 

Javi closed the distance between them, leaning against the bar, his smile radiant as he licked his lips. She smelled great. 

“Hey, looking for someone, sweetie?” 

“Just waiting for my man.” The girl seemed more nervous up close, her eyes darting around, glassy and tired. 

Javi played coy. “What’s he doing, then, leaving you all alone?” He gestured to her almost empty glass. “What are you drinking? I’ll buy you another.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She picked up her purse beside her, and hopped off the stool, skittishly making her way toward the door of the bar.

Javi frowned. What the hell? He’d never had that effect before. 

Regardless, he accepted defeat and moved back to his side of the bar. A first strike out wasn’t going to deter him from a decent night. He downed the rest of his drink, and the bartender placed a fresh one down almost immediately. A body leaned against the rail, the warm skin close enough he could feel the sun radiating off of it. 

“Where you from, honey?” She leaned forward, cigarette dangling between her red lips as Javi reached for his lighter. 

“Texas, mostly.” Peña huffed out. 

“Girls here, they aren’t going to talk to you like that. They think you are a cop.” She nodded as he lit her cigarette. “Thanks.”

Javi laughed. Was he that transparent? “Not far from the truth, I guess.” He shrugged. “So, a more subtle approach?”

She laughed and tugged at his dress shirt. “Maybe change your clothes. You look like every plainclothes trying to snag a pross.” 

She gestured for the bartender. “Nick, the usual?”

“Sure thing Sheila!” 

Javi made room and the woman propped herself up at the bar next to him. “So come here often?”

“Oh my god, don’t tell me that’s your opening line. No wonder she ran away..” The woman rolled her eyes and playfully pushed his shoulder. 

“What can I say, I’m an old-fashioned Texan boy.” Javi flashed a smile as he extended his hand. “Javier, but you can call me Javi.”

“Sheila and as you can tell, I _do_ come here often. Nick’s an old friend; best bartender in the city.” 

Javi relaxed, his gaze appreciatively taking in the woman next to him. Her dark curly hair was humidity frizzed, her eyes soft and kind as she shifted her seat closer to his, her chest brushing against his arm. His body hummed as a pert nipple inadvertently pushed into him. No bra. His kind of woman.

He adjusted slightly, his dick half hard. Round two was looking more than promising. 

“Not a come on, but, do you live around here? I’m new to the neighborhood.” 

Sheila flashed a radiant grin. “More or less. I’ve got a studio downtown, too.”

“An artist?” Javi probed. 

“Something like that.” She turned toward him, their bodies close. “What about you?”

“DEA.” Javi knew that he usually got a reaction when he told people what he did. 

“No shit. Isn’t that dangerous?” She flicked the ash off her cigarette, her eyes fixed on him intently.

Javi lowered his voice. “Very.” 

“Well, Javi, you certainly have my attention now.” She placed her hand on his thigh, her lips close to his ear, “You and I could certainly be interesting.” 

Javi raised an eyebrow and boldly brushed his fingertips over her breast, the weight heaving against him. 

“Let’s order another round.” She breathed out, and Javi’s body didn’t know if he could take more teasing, but he also liked the game she was playing.

“My kind of woman.” He laughed, full and hearty, the weight of work taking a backseat for once. 

The bar filled up as day turned into evening, but all his focus was on Sheila. She wasn’t only sexy, but smart too. They pressed their bodies as close to each other as possible in the crowded bar under the guise of hearing each other talk, but their not so subtle touching was driving him up the wall as they moved from topic to topic. For the first time in a while, his body and mind were actually interested in the same person. 

Javi was teetering on being too drunk to fuck and he needed to move this along. “Come on, my apartment is right down the street.” 

He had his hand on her hip, his fingers brushing against the soft fabric, an electric thrill as he realized she wasn’t wearing panties. _This woman may in fact, kill him._

“Buy a girl dinner first, Javi.” She hummed, her hand caressing his arm. 

“I can think of some things more satisfying than dinner.” Javi moved his hand between her thighs, and felt her legs spread at the press of his fingers, a soft moan escaping her lips as he dared to move higher. 

“Hmmm, so can I.” She purred, her mouth near his ear. But really, dinner first.” She insisted, her tone firm as she stilled his hand.

“Come on, baby.” Javi was all dick first, his body desperate for her.

Sheila smiled against his cheek, her lips hot against his skin. “I want to savor you, honey. Let me show you an actual good time.” 

Javi moved slightly, his eyes staring intently at her lips. He moved in, tasting her, their kiss deep and hungry, their tongues eager and aching, her body almost melting into his. 

“Are you sure?” Javi panted as they broke away.

“Promise it will be worth it.” Sheila reached for her purse and she reapplied her lipstick. “I’ve got to meet someone downtown for work. Meet me here tomorrow, around six?”

Javi’s body clenched, frustration and sexual energy warring inside him. 

“Deal. But do me a favor?” He leaned in, his mustache brushing against her ear. “No panties tomorrow?”

He could feel her shiver at the ask, and Javi had to admit there was something to delayed gratification that was driving him insane. 

“Javi…” She breathed out, and he knew she’d be thinking about that all night.

“Promise?” He bit his lip, trying to keep himself together. 

Her lips turned up in a sexy smile, her eyes staring intently at him as her hands lifted her dress slightly, her leg propped up on the bar stool, the lush thigh a promise of something more. A moment just for him, before she put her leg back down, like it had never happened.

“I love a man who knows what he wants.” She jostled the stool, pressing herself into him as she stood, her body tense with need. 

“A man who wants to take you home right now.” He growled, half joking, but still frustrated.

“Patience. Besides, there are plenty of fish out there tonight. Look around.” Her eyes fixated on a cute redhead that had been staring at them both. “But tomorrow, you’re mine.” She gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. “This is the most fun I’ve had in awhile.”

She squeezed his hand and worked her way through the crowd, Javi’s eyes watching her as she turned left onto the sidewalk and disappeared. 

He looked around the bar. True to Nick’s word, the bar was full. And it was still early and the redhead was still staring at him. 

But fuck if she hadn’t done a number on him. 

“Hey Nick?” He shouted over the din. “Another?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi and Sheila go on a real date; Javi sees a bit more of NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sheila is heavily based on Candida Royalle, a feminist porn icon. There are discussions of sex work in this chapter as well.

\--

Javi was uncharacteristically nervous seeing Sheila again. He wasn’t used to someone who seemingly could take what he was dishing out. Maybe women in New York City were different. 

And maybe he liked it. 

She had said six, and it was almost rounding six-thirty. He didn’t know if this was typical, and he certainly wasn’t used to getting stood up. 

He smoothed down what he thought was the most casual non-narc shirt he had; the irony not lost on him that it had been a gift from Lorraine. Red was her favorite color and she said it complimented his skin tone.

Not that it had mattered in the end. He hated that his guilt followed him, an unwelcome passenger that he worried would see itself fit to travel with him all the way to Bogota. The fact that his normal command and control was failing to displace the feeling threw him off and when he looked in the mirror, he couldn’t shake the fact that what he had done was not just a bad thing, but a cruel thing.

And he wasn’t quite ready to forgive himself entirely, feeling like the pain was justified, and he’d just have to wait for some magical absolution, either time, or work, or something else to allow all those feelings to dissipate. 

At the very least, the distraction of someone new would soften his rough edges temporarily and let him believe he could be better than he thought he really was.

“Javi!” He turned, his maudlin feeling lifting as he saw Sheila emerge from the subway, her short curly hair slicked back, arms ladened with papers. Her smile was bright and bold even though large sunglasses hid her eyes, the swing of the black dress hugging every curve imaginable as she ran up the steps, the fabric swaying with her movement, giving him the most luscious view of her legs.

This woman knew how to make an entrance. 

He shook off all the fatigue that guilt was trying to force on him like an old coat. That smile. Damn. 

He waved. “Almost gave up on you, honey.” 

She gestured with her hands as she took off her glasses and pocketed them, and Javi leaned in, kissing her cheek softly, the scent of sweet vanilla on her warmed skin making him want to kiss her all over. 

“I swear, I’m gonna kill this crew I’m dealing with. Always late.” She paused as she shoved her paperwork into her bag. “And then the A was running local on top of everything else. Shoulda figured since it’s a Saturday. One thing you’ll learn quickly - time is always a suggestion here. So much is out of your control. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a drink.” She caught her breath, her body resting against his. “You smell great.”

“I was about to say the same thing.” Javi smoothed back a piece of her hair that had fallen down into her face. This felt comfortable and easy in a way that surprised him. 

“By the way, this,” she palmed the fabric of his shirt, her red nails all but disappearing into the folds, “is much better.” She pushed up and off his body, and extended her hand. “Come on, Texas boy.” 

“So where are you taking me?” Javi fell in step with her, the warm summer air wrapping around him, a different feeling than back home, but unmistakable in the way it made him feel, possibility and promise just ahead somewhere in the orange-hazed corners of the early night. 

“I know it’s probably _sacrilege_ to take a Texan out for beef, but I’m dragging you to my favorite place. Cheap beer, good whiskey, dark corners, and the best damn burger in the city. I don’t just take anyone there, so I must think you’re pretty cute.” 

“Cute?” Javi deadpanned, mock disgust as he stopped in the street. 

Sheila laughed, full and hearty. “Fine, dangerously handsome. Better?”

“Much.” Javi didn’t know if it was the new city or his desire to prove something to himself, but he reached for her hand, and she took it eagerly, her fingers gently caressing his own. 

“You don’t mind walking a bit, do you?” 

“Not at all. I haven’t seen much of the city yet, now is as good a time as any.”

“Great, we’ll take the scenic route then.”

As they walked, Sheila pointed out all the little things that Javi would have certainly missed or ignored. He started watching her rather than the sights and monuments she was telling him about, and he almost ran into her when she came to a dead stop in the middle of an unremarkable residential street, her finger crooked towards him. 

“Let me show you something special. It’s a park! A real park. Come on.” She looked back toward him as they entered the gates and grabbed his hand. Javi was convinced she was breaking and entering.

“This seems wr…” Javi stopped mid-sentence as the little cobblestone alley gave way to a blanket of overhung trees, a tiny carved out space where a single bench sat. 

“It’s called the Septuagesimo Uno.” Her eyes grew soft as she ran her free hand through the lush green leaves, causing the sunlight to fracture and cast shadows and light. “You can’t even hear the city back here.” She stilled, seemingly lost in warm thought. 

His breath caught in his chest. She look fucking _radiant_ in this light. 

Javi pulled her close, his hands stilling on her hips. While he wasn’t much for romance, he knew when a moment shouldn’t be wasted. He felt her heartbeat quicken as he tightened his grip on her, her breath coming out in short pants, the sticky heat in the air heavy as she lifted a hand to his face, drawing him in until their lips met, all tongues and want and as the kiss deepened, Sheila’s soft moans echoed through the tiny space, dragging him back to the reality of where they were.

He begrudgingly pulled away, his forehead resting on hers for a moment as she looked at him with such intensity that he had to look away. 

“So...food?” He breathed deeply, willing his body to relax. 

“Yeah, we still have a ways to go. You are a real distraction, Javi.” She ran her hand down his chest, her fingers lightly playing with his shirt button. 

“I hope a good one.” He wasn’t usually one to be insecure but Sheila certainly wasn’t Lorraine or Vanessa or Corine or any other woman he’d been with in Texas. And that sort of scared the shit out of him - to feel something more than just wanting to get her into bed and be done with it. 

“A _great_ one.” She winked as she re-applied her lipstick.

“I think you like playing tourist guide.” Javi was surprised at how loud the city became as they slowly made their way back out to the street. 

“For all its blemishes, this is one beautiful city.” She gushed. “I wouldn’t change it for the world.” 

Javi wondered if he could come to love a place as much as she seemed to; wondered if he could love something despite all of its flaws. 

But mostly, he wondered how an ass could look as great in a dress as hers did. 

“Come on slowpoke, pick up your pace, this is New York City.” She reached out, her hand grabbing his as they ran across the street, Sheila’s laughter filling the air as they dodged the slow moving traffic, and weaved a path downtown.

\--

True to Sheila’s word, the place was a bit out of the way, tucked into a side street. He would have never found it on his own. And he figured that was the point. A true local’s joint. 

The people inside all seemed to be wrapped up in their own worlds, the music familiar enough, the air kept light and alive by whirling ceiling fans fighting the city humidity. Javi appreciated a place where it seemed like you could be alone in a room full of people. 

“Peter!” Sheila waved to a tall waiter rushing around. “Can we grab the banquette in the back?”

The man smiled brightly at her, and Javi recognized the same warmth that Nick the bartender had for her. She seemed universally adored. “Of course, Sheili, it’s all yours.” 

“Do you know everyone in this city?” He figured he shouldn’t be surprised given he met her at _her_ local bar, but damn if she didn’t seem to fit in everywhere. He couldn’t help but think she’d be great in the CIA. 

“I’ve been around, Javi. I may look young, but this city has put _miles_ on me.” She slid into the booth and patted the vinyl beside her, beckoning him. “Scooch in.” 

Javi sat and went to reach for a menu, but she swatted his hand. 

“You’ve gotta trust me, okay?”

Javi laughed and shook his head. “You are the second woman in the last 24 hours that’s told me that. Is there something in the water?”

“If you haven’t noticed, we are built tough here.”

“That’s an understatement.” Javi relaxed into the booth as he reached for his cigarettes. 

“So who else has been trying to put you in your place?” Sheila gave him a knowing look, like she knew she was but of many women who had probably given him shit over his lifetime.

He laughed as he lit his cig and inhaled deeply. “My new partner. One of the first women I’ve seen in the field. Can’t even imagine the shit she’s had to put up with so far.”

“Damn. That’s tough. I bet she’s got it under control though.” 

“Well, she put me in my place.” Javi smirked. 

“Love her already.” Sheila’s eyes sparkled. “Well, this level of trust is nowhere near what I am sure she’s asking of you, but you’ll be happy when the food is in front of you.”

“Order for me then.” Javi pushed the menus away. “I trust you.”

Sheila waved her hand in the air and Peter appeared seemingly out of nowhere, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Missed you, sweetie.” 

“How’s Brett?”

“Gone. Michael, now.” 

“Oh that’s too bad. I actually _liked_ Brett. Well, give Michael all my love, and make sure he’s taking good care of you.” 

“I will, love. You need to come around for tea soon, okay? Now, what can I get you and this much sexier Burt Reynolds?”

Javi raised an eyebrow, not used to be objectified so blatantly.

“Peter! He has a name. Javi, meet Peter, a very dear friend.”

Javi held out his hand, unable to hide his bemusement. “Never been called that before.”

“What, the sexy part, or the Burt part?” Peter grinned, clearly enjoying their exchange. 

“Peter!” Sheila cackled. “Stop. He’s my date.”

“Okay, okay. But geez, warn me next time so I am prepared for this.” Peter motioned his hand up and down, and Javi couldn’t help but be flattered that Peter thought he was that good looking. 

“I’ll send you a letter.” Sheila huffed. “Can we order? I’m starving!”

“Of course sweetie. The usual?”

“Yup, but make it two double cheeseburgers with those grilled onions, two Manhattans and large garlic fries, extra crispy.”

“Got it, darling. Drinks coming.” Peter hurried away as Sheila gave him an inquisitive look. 

Javi nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a serious order.” 

“I’m a serious woman, Javier Peña.” 

“That is _quite_ obvious.” Javi leaned forward, his lips ghosting her ear, nipping on the soft flesh. “I like a woman who knows what she wants.” 

Peter rushed back, generously poured Manhattans in hand. Javi appreciated Sheila even more for being friends with their waiter if this is what it meant. His drink even had an extra cherry. Peter’s doing, he assumed. 

“So Javi, what’s your story, really?” She pulled the cherry from her cocktail stick, and took a healthy sip of her Manhattan as she pulled out a cigarette, Javi ready with a light. 

He leaned back, his arms resting on the banquette. “It’s not all that exciting, truth be told. Country boy makes good. Psychology degree, local law enforcement, got bored, almost got married, ended up at the DEA, Austin to New York and after this, Bogota.”

Sheila’s eyes widened and Javi knew he couldn’t avoid the next question that would fall from her lips. 

“Wait, hold it now. Almost married? Talk about burying the lede.” She slapped his arm playfully. Javi tensed slightly but her hand rubbed the inner part of his arm, reassurance in the touch. 

“Tell me.”

Javi shook his head, the sting and embarrassment still fresh. “You ever just know something’s wrong, but do it anyway?” 

“God, do I ever! Sheila exhaled her smoke carefully to the side. “My life is a series of those types of moves. If you're doing something wrong, at least you're getting your way around to something right.”

“Well, Laredo isn’t a big town. I was young and she was pretty, and she was one of the few girls who actually liked sex. So I thought it was a win-win.” Javi surprised himself with his honesty. 

“So, since you are here, and not married I assume, what happened?”

“I don’t even want to say, it’s so bad.” He buried his head in his hands, groaning. 

“Come on Javi, just tell me.” Sheila encouraged him, her hand rubbing his shoulder. 

He squared himself and looked at her, hopeful for repentance. “I left her at the altar.” 

Sheila sputtered, true surprise crossing her eyes. “Like, at the altar, on your _wedding_ day?” 

Javi cringed. “I didn’t even make it to the church, so technically not _at_ the altar. ” 

She stubbed out her cigarette, and quickly took another one from his pack. “This is absolutely unbelievable. I thought this only happened in movies!”

He shook his head. “I hope she wasn’t actually at the altar. I was with my best man, and I was in the car, running late, and something just snapped.”

Sheila nodded, a seemingly knowing look on her face. “And your life changed?”

Javi swallowed deeply, relief that this was out on the table. “I guess so. I left pretty soon after to work for the DEA. I didn’t give it a lot of thought.” 

He didn’t want to tell Sheila that he _had_ given it a lot of thought. That his work meant more to him than Lorraine, or that the thought of settling with one woman forever made him feel like he was dying a slow death. Or that for Lorraine’s many talents in the bedroom, she was actually boring to be around. And that he wanted a life that was interesting, instead of one that was safe. 

Peter thankfully appeared, plates of massive burgers in both hands. 

“See, look at these things. Aren’t they out of this world?”

Javi had to admit that they did look like nothing he’d seen, and that he hadn’t really had a hot meal in how many days, and that while he wasn’t a big eater, he couldn’t resist a burger. He sunk his teeth in greedily. They weren’t just amazing. They were damn well the best he’d ever had. 

“Honey, these are something else.” Javi shook his head, the taste heady and intoxicating. 

Sheila shimmied in her seat, glee obvious. “I know, right? This burger always puts me in a good mood. I am so glad you like them, Javi.”

“So what about you?” He sipped his drink slowly, the pleasant feeling of a strong pour and good food and a sexy woman making him feel a bit floaty, close to his preferred state of solidly buzzed. “What’s your story?”

Sheila stilled beside him, a slight strain in her posture, and Javi had to wonder if she’d been trying to put the focus on him to avoid talking about herself. 

“I’m a Brooklyn girl by birth, but found my way into the city. You know, my parents had a tough time with me. I was always getting into trouble, staying out late, going out with the wrong boys. Always thought I knew better than they did. I was a handful, and when I graduated, they told me to get my own place."

“So you did?” Javi offered.

“I did. I came into the city, started bartending at this little hole-in-the-wall. I thought I’d be a Broadway actress, but it turned out you actually need talent for that.” Sheila chuckled. “But the bar was easy and fun. No experience, but great tits, so that helped.”

“Can't argue that.” Javi snorted. 

Sheila playful slapped his arm. “And then my life took a bit of a turn.” 

Javi leaned forward, curious. “In what way?”

“It was mostly bar patrons, but turned out, I could make a decent amount of money tricking. The other girl at the bar did it, and so I picked it up too. No pimp, just us. I like sex, and it felt good. I know a lot of people don’t see if that way, but it worked for me.”

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say there are quite a few women in Texas that have some of my hard-earned money.” He quipped. 

Sheila snorted and he felt her relax slightly against him. She breathed deeply and Javi knew that sound. There was more to her story. 

“So one of my regulars was making porn. Your typical stuff. So I did a few for him and they were good money for a few hours of work, but then I realized I was starting to be more interested in the cameras and how things were made. So I started making suggestions, and rewriting porn dialogue, which I know, why bother? None of which was well-received.” She rolled her eyes slightly. “Men don’t like being told what to do, especially men in the porn industry.” 

Javi quirked his mouth. “Not all men…” He took a quick drink, his body reacting to the thought of her asserting herself. He liked a woman who’d challenge him.

Sheila’s eyes darkened a bit, “I’ll need to remember that.” She bit her lip, hunger for something other than food evident in the way she looked at him. 

Javi’s hand slid up her thigh under the table. “You were saying…” 

Sheila yielded under his touch, her legs spreading slightly as he idly traced patterns along her outer thigh. 

“You're a tease.” She chided. “Anyway… it turned out I was right about a lot of things. Mervin, the owner of the studio, finally gave me a break. My first film was a mess; I didn’t realize the business behind it all. Money and the Mob. Trying to get funding almost broke me. But I pushed through. And finally got enough momentum behind me to strike out on my own.”

Javi nodded. “A self-made woman.”

“Something like that. It’s a grind still, but I love it. I got my first major feature in the can last year. I actually made money off of it, which is a shock since it has a plot.” 

“What, porn isn’t known for its plot?” Javi feigned surprise.

“Stop! You are too much. Maybe if you are a good boy, I’ll let you see it someday.” She paused, a serious look on her face. “I know the tricking doesn’t bother you. What about the porn?”

He couldn’t take the moral high ground, because he knew that ground was shaky at best when he came to his own desires. He knew abstractly how porn was made, and had to admit that while he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about her being in it, it was his problem, not hers, to work out. And it certainly wasn’t enough to ruin a perfectly good night with a perfectly good woman. 

Javi shook his head. “Everyone works for someone, baby.” 

“That’s the damn truth. I don’t usually tell someone on a first date. Not because I’m embarrassed, but because I know people have their own hang ups. I don’t blame anyone, but I’m not changing who I am.”

“And you shouldn’t.” Javi quickly added, as his voice dropped to whisper. “You are working me up though, all this talk about sex.”

“Am I?” She ran her hand up his leg, and Javi almost yelped when she palmed his cock. “Oh…” She smirked, her tongue poking out between her teeth, her body shifting in the booth. “I see.”

“Do you want to go?” Her closeness and their mutual flirtation was driving him insane. 

“God, yes.” Sheila all but climbed in his lap as she quickly got out of the booth, the tension thick between them.

Javi fished cash out of his pocket, probably laying down too much, but all he could think of was getting her home, in bed, and fucking her senseless. 

They tumbled out of the restaurant, laughing, breathless, and he felt weightless for the first time in a long time, nothing but the sound of her voice, the cool summer night and the promise of something more in his head. Javi held her waist tightly as they fumbled in the street, their bodies chasing each other until he found a solid wall to lean her against, and Javi took her face in his hands, as he lost himself in her mouth, the taste of whiskey still lingering on her lips. 

“Walk me home, Javi.” She murmured. 

“Is that all you want?” He grabbed her ass, grinding his half-hard cock against her, her dress hitching up as they made out like horny teenagers. 

She shook her head. “You know that’s not all.”

“Tell me.” He ground out, his breath shallow and pained with desire. “I want you to say it.” 

Sheila’s eyes flashed hot, as she leaned in, and breathed out a needy whisper. 

“Take me home and fuck me, Javi.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi and Sheila make things happen; Javi confronts his new boss, and finally goes on an undercover sting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is job-related violence in this chapter related to a secondary character. But no one in this story dies, because I can’t bear to do that to my OC’s!

\--

The loft elevator was broken again, so she nodded to the stairs. “You have a few flights in you?” Sheila preferred bringing men to the loft. Her actual apartment seemed a bit too intimate for someone new; even if she was already insane for Javi, her rough on the outside, soft on the inside sweet Texas boy. It had taken all her power not to jump him last night, but she was trying out self-control. 

She _hated_ it. And since she’d made it a whole day, she figured she’d waited long enough. Besides, it wasn’t like he could wait any longer either. 

“Can't be worse than Quantico.” He mused. 

The walk upstairs was torture, Javi’s hands ghosting up her legs as they stopped every few moments to grind against each other, tongues clashing as they stumbled up the two flights, both panting as they finally made their way to her loft. 

“This is my work space mostly, so don’t mind the mess.” Sheila slid open the large door, stuffy stale air greeting them both. “The locals will climb up to this floor and steal equipment if I don’t shut the windows when I’m not here.”

“It’s quite a place.” Javi’s deep voice echoed through the large room.

She almost felt guilty for not bringing him to her real apartment, the cozy studio perfect for shutting out the world, while this place was about as impersonal as you could get. She had managed to stand up a wall to separate out her private space from her work space and over time had bought a comfortable bed for nights when she was just too tired to make the trek back uptown. 

“Don’t be too impressed, it’s held together with hope and barely legal materials.” 

She opened the windows, letting the warm breeze circulate, the light from the street casting shadows in the room. She couldn’t quite make out Javi’s face, but she heard an appreciative hum when she clicked on the record player, the quiet sound of Al Green echoing off the bare walls.

She turned around, her gaze serious but shy. “Al and I have a thing, you see.” 

“Is that so? Should I be jealous?” He moved closer, a sly smile ghosting over his face. 

Sheila nodded. “You’ve heard the man’s voice? Pure sex. The things he and I get up to when we’re here all alone.” 

“Like what?” Javi reached for her, and she shook her head. 

_Slow down, baby. Gonna make this last._

Her eyes narrowed, her gaze intense as she licked her lips. “I could tell you…” She turned the music up a bit louder. “Or show you.”

“Show me.” Javi’s voice was sex-rough and hoarse, and she knew she was playing a dangerous game, her favorite kind. 

Sheila held out her hand, and guided him to the sofa. “Sit.” She softly commanded, as she began to sway in front of him, letting the rhythm of the music move her, her eyes falling heavy with lust. 

“See, when it’s just Al and me,” she sighed as she let her hands run up and down her thighs, the silk fabric bunching up in her hands, “I get this feeling…” She looked down at him, his arms outstretched as he settled into her sofa. 

Javi shifted and Sheila could see the bulge in his tight jeans, the sight of it making her want to forgo all the foreplay and fuck him senseless. Her body craving the quick release but her brain wanting to make every second with Javi count. 

“He makes me feel like a goddess.” She purred. “Makes me want to touch myself… everywhere.” 

She kept her eyes on Javi as she moved, her hips hitting on the beat, teasing herself closer to him as she danced, her hands exploring her body, hitching her dress higher, legs spreading slightly as she gathered the fabric against her pubic mound, rocking against it as her free hand cupped her breast, her fingers pinching her sensitive nipple, the feeling causing a deep moan to reverb off the walls of the loft. 

“Sheila…” Javi reached out, his hands holding her hips as she danced. “Don’t tease, sweetness. Let me see that gorgeous pussy.”

Sheila lifted the fabric up and over her head, showing Javi everything she had. She ghosted her hands down her sides, and she watched Javi’s eyes comb over her, covetous, his gaze hot and needy. 

Her eyes locked on him as she let her hand trail down her stomach. She spread her legs and let a finger slide in between her folds, rocking against herself as she fingered herself lewdly. 

“How about you taste instead, Javi.” She sighed and shuddered as she removed her finger, wetness trailing down her thighs. She knew Javi had to see how desperate she was for him. 

“Baby, you are a dream…” He grabbed her wrist and brought the glistening finger to his lips, his eyes closing as he licked the wetness, his tongue swirling to catch it all as she smeared his lips with the excess.

“Fuck, you look good with me on your lips.” Sheila purred, the wanton way he just took her sending shockwaves through her body. 

“Bring it closer now,” he murmured, his arms outstretched as she straddled him, large hands drawing her hips in as she steadied herself with the back of the sofa, still swaying to the music as he explored her. 

“Just want to touch you everywhere.” Javi’s hands moved toward her thick, round ass, and he planted kisses on her stomach, trailing down to her hips and thighs until he nestled his face right in her wet cunt. 

She braced for the delight of his tongue, but was surprised when she felt the rough tickle of his moustache instead. 

_Fuck, he’s smelling me._ The feeling of him breathing her in made her feel feral and alive, like no lover had before. 

His nose tickled her clit as she rocked against him, like he was lost in his own personal fantasy, 

his hands squeezing her ass as his fingers dipped in between her cheeks, exploring the softness between. 

Sheila brought her hands to his hair, tangling in the short locks as she pulled his head up to look her in the eyes, his hot breath making her cunt tingle with anticipation. 

“Go on, Javi. Touch me wherever you want.”

“Oh honey, you’ve got no idea what I want to do to you…” Javi’s words were rough and deep as he pulled her down so she was sitting in his lap. 

She shuddered as she rocked against his hard cock, loving the power she felt with him underneath her, his deep groan when she raked her bare pussy over his jean-clad erection making her even wetter, her thighs shaking with the promise of what was to come. 

She leaned down to take his lips in a feverous kiss, their moans mingling as they clashed, tongues desperate to feel one another, never close enough as she rutted against his body, trying to feel him everywhere at once. 

“God, Javi. Just this is driving me crazy. You feel so good.” She shifted slightly, as one song turned into the next, the beat slower and deeper, her body aching as she met the rhythm, grinding against him, as he watched her use him to build up her pleasure. 

“Gonna take care of you so good, baby.” Javi caressed her face with the back of his hand, and Sheila couldn’t remember a time when someone had been so hot and so tender with her all at once. 

She ran a hand down his still-clothed stomach, cupping his impressive bulge and whispered, “Take it out for me, let me see that gorgeous cock.” 

Javi smirked as she leaned back to watch, the hiss and groan as he slid his zipper down and palmed his cock making her wetness trail down her legs, just the look of it making her cunt even hotter.

Her fingers wrapped around his dick, the head already slick with pre-cum. “Baby, you’ve been hiding something from me.” Sheila grinned, her hand wrapping around the girth, feeling it pulse hot and needy against her fingers. “Oh Javi, you are aching, aren’t you?” 

“That’s all for you, honey.” Javi strained as she stroked his dick, the pads of her fingers milking the underside, causing him to shudder. 

Sheila looked at him, her eyes half-lidded. “Want me to kiss it and make it all better?”

“Oh Jesus…” Javi moaned as she leaned down between his legs, her hunger evident as she grasped the base of his cock and slid her mouth over the head, the velvet softness of the skin and the salty taste a heady combination as she hollowed out her cheeks to take him deeper, the wet sound urging Javi on. She stilled to let him set the pace and she moaned as he gently started to thrust in her mouth. 

“Fuck, honey. You take me so well, the sounds you are making with that hot mouth are driving me insane.” Javi was looking down at her, his hands on the side of her head, controlling the pace as she lost herself, her whole world his cock and nothing else. “Love looking at you like this.”

She moved, the angle and depth changing and she felt Javi pull back slightly, his hands reaching for his dick as he pulled it out, teasing her open mouth with the leaking head. 

“Wait...my hot dirty girl. I want to come while I’m fucking you.” 

_Jesus Christ, this man is going to end me._

Sheila bit her lip, and steadied herself on Javi’s knees as she stood, her sweat-slicked body giving away all her secrets, nipples hard, thighs dripping, her well-fucked lips plump and ready for more. 

“Come on then, baby.” Sheila stood up and reached for him, their bodies pressed together as she guided Javi back to her bedroom, her legs weak and body on fire. The smallest taste of Javi had lit something deep within her, and it scared her to pieces how badly she needed him.

“Let me take this off.” She whispered, as she unbuttoned his shirt, hands trailing down his sides as she lifted it off his body, the press of his bare flesh against hers a new intimacy, hot, sweat-soaked, she pressed her face to his skin, tobacco and sandalwood soap mixed with lust. She pushed down his jeans and underwear in one motion, and let him hold her as he stepped out of his remaining clothes. 

She held him for a moment, her hands wrapping around his broad back, the feeling of him strong and sure and ready for her almost overwhelming. 

Javi’s hand captured her chin, his finger grazing her lips. “Want to taste you, baby.” 

Javi maneuvered her to the bed, gently laying her down, and Sheila reached for him as he began to trail soft kisses down her stomach, her legs falling to the sides as Javi’s hands spread her, thick fingers dipping into her wet folds, the touch teasing but unfailing as he circled her clit, his eyes intently watching her every movement, her cunt clenching at every touch, begging for his tongue or his cock to enter her. 

“Fuck, you are absolutely dripping, honey. The way you look. Wish I could show you.” 

Javi please…”,she nearly sobbed. “Need your mouth on me, want to feel that tongue _inside_ me.”

“Ask me again.” Javi breathed against her thigh, his fingers teasing her. “Want to hear my dirty girl say exactly what she wants.”

Sheila moaned, loving how vocal he was. 

“Javi... eat my pussy out.”

She fought her body as his tongue flattened against her folds, the sensation almost too much after all the teasing. His hot mouth devoured her, Javi’s tongue seeking each secret spot, his arms coming up around her thighs, grounding her as he let his tongue dip inside her, the wet sounds of her pussy mingling with Javi’s moans.

“God, the sounds you make, drives me insane.” 

“Hmmm, Javi.” She panted as her fingers ghosted over her nipples. “You feel so good, just like that.” She resisted the urge to move, his strong hands keeping her legs down, controlling her pleasure, driving her to new heights. 

Out of all the places she’d been and the people she’d been with, no one had touched her as worshipful as Javi was doing right in that moment. It was like her pussy was his personal altar and his tongue was a starved acolyte.

He flattened out his tongue and circled her clit, his intent clear as she squirmed under his grasp, his face buried deep in her cunt as she grabbed his hair, tugging slightly as the pleasure overtook her.

“Fuck Javi, I’m coming, just like that, oh god, please, don’t stop….” She felt like waves crashing over and over inside her, the sensation like a rolling tidal wave that rumbled deep within, legs shaking with effort as Javi let her ride his mouth, letting her control the last moments of pleasure on her own terms. 

She moaned as his mouth left her and he peppered kisses along her thighs, his lips wet as she urged him up. 

“Come here, Javi.” Sheila begged as Javi kneeled over her, his heavy cock dragging against her sensitive cunt. 

“God, you taste so good.” Javi ran his finger down her nose, his gaze soft as he lowered his lips to hers. 

The kiss was much slower than the others they had shared and full of intent, and it made Sheila feel absolutely undone, the tenderness as his lips caressed hers, like he was learning everything about her just from her mouth.

Javi’s welcome weight shifted against her own, as they deepened their kiss, moving like lovers do.

Sheila couldn’t place the sensation or feeling, but being with him was like being both outside of her body and aware of it all at once, the intensity of his touch, the way he just _knew_ how to make her body feel unlike anything she had ever felt. 

“You are amazing, Javi.” She managed between long, deep kisses, his mouth smiling against hers. 

“Not so bad yourself, honey.” He trailed his mouth down to her neck, soft nips and along her jawline as she cupped his head, her hands tangled in his hair. 

“Oh god, that’s driving me crazy.” Sheila didn’t dare tell him just how sensitive she was there, and how insane it made her to have his lips on her neck. 

“Good to know.” He smiled and then gave her a soft nip, her body shaking from the sensation. 

The drag of his cock against her pussy was growing more insistent, his cockhead teasing her as they moved, and she could feel her body begging for more. 

“Javi…” she almost whispered. “I need you inside me. Please…”

“Baby…” Javi murmured. “Gonna fuck you so good…” 

He leaned back and lifted her legs as he settled against her, Sheila’s hand reaching down to spread her cunt for him. 

“Come on Javi, it’s all yours…”

“You’re beautiful.” He ghosted a hand over her stomach, her eyes focused hazily as he entered her, the burn and push welcome as her pussy closed around his hot cock. 

“Javi…”

“That’s it, honey.” He encouraged, the slow press needful torture as her body adjusted to his size, her legs curling around him as she urged him forward until he was buried fully in her. 

“Oh, Javi, feels even better than I imagined.” Sheila threw her head back, the intensity of the feeling, of _him_ , almost too much to bear as he began to slide inside her. 

“Look at me.” He demanded, their eyes connecting as their hands entwined, and he slowly began to move, setting the pace for their fuck. 

She moaned deeply as she felt him push harder and deeper, Javi getting lost in her, his mouth wide as he moved, watching his cock slide in and out of her. 

“Feel that, baby… God it's like you are filling every inch of me.” Sheila shifted as he pushed even deeper, feeling almost impossibly full of his hot cock. 

“Look at that, you’ve got such a sweet little pussy, taking me so well.”

Javi leaned forward, changing the angle slightly, his pace urgent and rough. 

“Oh, fuck...just like that, do that again…” Sheila’s body was on fire, the way he plunged into her over and over, dragging his perfect cock almost all the way out and back in.

“You’re being such a dirty girl, letting me fuck you so hard.” Javi panted, the slap of their skin burning into her brain as he fucked her relentlessly. 

“Fuck, Javi, do what you want, just don’t stop…” Sheila was half-gone, the pace and heat of their fuck making her almost incoherent.

“Hmm, You like being fucked hard, don’t you baby…”

“I love it…love hearing you slam into me, love the feeling of your body taking me…”

Sheila’s whole world fell away as she focused on him above her, his sweat-slicked body moving perfectly as he fucked her senseless.

“That’s it baby, come for me...” Javi’s face was focused and concentrated, like his only goal was to bring her to her knees. 

“Javi, please...I’m so close, so close...” Sheila rocked against him, pleasure cresting again as his hard length continued its pace. 

“That’s it, honey. Love to make you feel so good…Touch your pretty little cunt for me, just like a good girl...”

Her second orgasm was deeper, the intensity of him filling her and her fingers deftly rubbing her clit as she came, her body shaking as she held Javi, her hands digging into his arms as he continued, close to his own release. 

“Come on, Javi, let me take you in.” She spread herself wider, “Use my hole. Fill me.”

She could feel his rhythm growing erratic as he got closer, his body going rigid as he thrust inside her, her cunt milking his dick, baring down like a vice. 

“Sheila, fuck, that’s it, that’s it…” He ground his dick inside her, shuddering with a force as he came inside her, the warmth coating her as his cock spasmed.

“Oh Javi…” She whispered, his body still trembling from his orgasm as they lay there. She held him close, his cock still nestled inside her, the warm feeling of his body making her think anything was possible. 

“Don’t move yet.” She begged as they let themselves come down, their bodies cooling even in the hot air of the room. She groaned when Javi naturally slipped out, and he rolled to the side.

“Baby, you’re amazing.” Javi kissed her softly, his eyes warm and hazy as he fell back on the bed, and Sheila listened as his breathing slowly returned to normal.

She let the silence be natural and easy, her eyes closing as she savored the feeling of Javi next to her. She heard him move slightly, and she seized the moment to tell him exactly what else she wanted. 

She turned on her side, her gaze hopeful as she touched his arm. 

“Stay.” She liked the idea of him being there in the morning, and she could see the war going on in his head. He didn’t strike her as a man who stayed, and she didn’t blame him because she wasn’t usually a woman who usually stayed either. 

He smiled and cupped her face, the kiss so soft as he pulled her to his chest, his strong arms wrapping around her, the featherlight touch of his fingers drawing circles on her back. 

"I’ve got nowhere to be but here."

\--

Javi woke with a start; the cool air around him and the warm body cocooned against him creating momentary confusion before his brain caught up and he realized he was still at Sheila’s. As he settled back down, he sank deeper into the comfortable bed, his body heavy with sleep and sex, the unfamiliar feeling of contentedness spreading through him.

Even still, he knew it was all temporary. Bodies coming together eventually part. He was never good at holding onto anything for too long, and he knew, deep down, that the weight of carrying someone else’s emotions - being responsible for someone else - was not something he could handle. He’d already proven to himself he wasn’t capable. And he didn’t expect Sheila wanted that either, but he couldn’t help but feel hollowed out knowing he’d never be able to offer it to anyone. 

She looked absolutely peaceful, her hair splayed out against the pillow and her lips curled up in a small smile like she was having the best dream possible. The sheet draped low so he could see the luscious curve of her hip, bare arms encircling Javi’s own close to her breast as her chest rose and fell evenly. 

He indulged in cataloguing the tiny little things he hadn’t noticed about her before; the ragged but faded scar on her arm, perhaps from a childhood accident, the tiny patch of wiry wild white hair that peeked out from behind her ear, the smattering of tiny moles, starting at the nape of her neck, congregating at the furthest point of her shoulder blade. He stilled himself long enough to feel her body against his - the way her toes curled against his leg and made tiny movements as she slept, the clench of her thighs against his own when she shifted slightly and sank deeper into his heat.

It felt almost too intimate to be allowed to be so close to her. 

He wondered if he ever looked that relaxed when he slept, his body trained to react to the smallest sound and the slightest movement. He’d not had an untroubled night’s sleep in a while, and especially since he’d been with the DEA. Waking up tired felt normal, his brain always rattling with immediate anxiety, forever chasing something, never satisfied. 

He sighed into the feeling of her against him. For a moment, he let himself just be, imagining what this would feel like to wake up to this every morning; to actually not feel the urge to fuck and run, but to stay someplace safe with someone secure. 

There was danger in harboring such fantasies, and he knew all too well what it meant to pretend to be he was something he wasn’t. 

Even still, he couldn’t get enough of her, and if permanence was a lost cause, at least pleasure was something he could hold onto for a little while longer. 

He couldn’t help himself as he dipped down slightly and moved her hair away from her neck, her skin warm, the traces of vanilla perfume still clinging to her skin as he nuzzled his nose right behind her ear, inhaling softly as he kissed her head gently. He felt her move, a small hum as she turned her head, her eyes opening slightly, mouth parted as she smiled at him, an invitation if he ever saw one. 

In the hazy gauze of morning, Javi let himself go, allowing himself to explore her body at his pace. She was so soft and fluid in the way she moved, curves and angles that begged to be touched, her voice hitching when he hit a particularly sensitive spot with his fingers or his tongue. He watched as she shuddered when he kissed the slightly bony ridge of her spine, and almost had to look away when her hands chased his own, the intensity of her touch making him feeling overwhelmed, until she grasped his fingers covetously and securely against her breast. He listened as her breath quickened when he kissed her neck, feeling her pulse race wildly, brazen and laid bare, her soft mewls against the pillow heartbreakingly beautiful to him. 

This he could do. Touch, taste, feel, fuck. 

Burying himself back in the crook of Sheila’s neck, Javi slowly tasted her, running open mouth kisses down her shoulder as he loosened his hand from her grasp, lingering just long enough to cup her breast as his fingers played with her hardening nipple, earning a wiggle and sleepy moan from Sheila. 

Javi nipped playfully at her ear, his voice a whisper. “I know you're awake.” 

Sheila shifted as her ass settled against his growing erection. “Maybe…” 

He chuckled lightly as he traced gentle circles down her stomach, and then around to her hip, grasping at the soft skin as he rubbed his hard cock against her ass. He wanted to take his time with her, feel her everywhere, let this go on for as long as he could hold onto it, before reality crashed in on him. 

“Hmmm. Javi.” Sheila sleepily murmured. “That feels good.” 

“Let me make you feel better, baby.” Javi whispered as he nudged her leg forward, and let his fingers trace down the curve of her ass, experimentally teasing a touch over the tight ring of muscle, a hungry whimper from Sheila, her body eager as he played with her before settling his fingers across her folds, his thumb rubbing against her clit as he gathered her wetness, letting a single thick finger slide in, the feel of her cunt clenching down on him eagerly, filling him with need. 

She pressed back against him, just slightly, a satisfied sigh falling from her lips. “Don’t stop.” 

Javi spread her further, sliding another finger in, mesmerized by the sight of her body taking him so eagerly and willingly. 

“Oh yes...please, more…” She reached back, her intent obvious as she swiped her fingertips over the head of his cock, swirling precum on his tip. “Need you…”

Repositioning himself slightly, he slowly pressed his cock into her, his hand firmly on her hip as she sank down onto him, Sheila’s stuttering groans filling the room, their bodies sweat slicked as she reached down to grab his hand, their fingers entwined. 

He took a deep stabilizing breath, his forehead on her shoulder, his hand guiding her hip slowly as they began to move together, Sheila setting the pace at an almost agonizingly slow speed, forcing him to feel every languid sensation, his entire body reverberating with need and want and desire for the woman beside him. 

“Oh god...” She raised her leg higher and bared down, taking him full inside her, and Javi gripped her tightly at the intensity of being so deep in her. He hadn’t fucked like this before, so close, the rhythm slow, each movement bringing them in full body contact, his lips near her ear, ghosting over her cheek as she turned to look at him, her eyes searching his own as they moved together, their mouths meeting, Javi groaning into her as he felt the slow burn of his desire building. His mind went blank, his voice soft as he whispered to her, words that didn’t even make sense completely, slipping from English to Spanish as he spiraled deeper into her, his body tense and sweaty as they tried to stay as close to each other as possible. 

He wanted to give her everything in that moment. 

“Just like that.” Sheila threw her head back against his shoulder and Javi let her control the pace, her body moving into him, grinding against him as he watched her let go, her moans different than before, deep and soft and he could feel every part of her shake as they fucked, her groans becoming cries, his voice hoarse from his whispered pleas, as Sheila came, panting as she wrapped her legs around his, the trembling from her limbs wrecking him. 

“Javi...fill me.” She commanded, her body slack as she set his hand on her hip. “Take what you need…”

“Fuck…” He moaned into her, biting down on her shoulder as he rode out his own pleasure, pulling her as close he could, rutting into her as his body shook, his eyes closed tight, white heat shooting through him as he slumped down, spent and breathless. 

“Stay inside me, just for a bit.” Sheila whispered, her hands reaching back to still his hip. He curled his body around hers, the tiny nod against her skin the best he could do after what just happened. 

As he drifted off, he felt the slight tickle of her hair against his face, her cheek brushing his as he fell back into an easy slumber, his body still connected to hers. 

\--

When he woke again, his hand was splayed out against the bedsheets, Sheila nowhere to be found, but the smell of coffee filling the air. He rolled over and stretched, and a drawn-out audible groan escaped his lips, echoing through the loft as his limbs shifted back to life. 

The noise summoned Sheila, who popped her head around the corner, coffee in hand. “You seem like a man who takes his coffee black, but I have sugar and cream.” She offered. 

He sat up, bleary-eyed. “Black is perfect, thanks.” Javi took the proffered coffee, inhaling slightly before taking a sip. “Wow, this is pretty amazing.” 

“French press.” Sheila grinned as she plopped down on the bed, her hair wet and face fresh scrubbed, the little droplets of water that fell on his chest, cool and comforting against his skin. 

“What time is it?” Javi didn’t normally sleep in, and he knew it had to be later than he thought.

“Eleven. You've been asleep a while. I just sort of worked around you.” She bumped his shoulder lightly. “You woke up a few times, but went back to sleep.”

He leaned back against the headboard, still shaking the sleep off as Sheila leaned fully into him, her arm wrapping around his stomach and her head resting on his chest. She let him drink his coffee in silence, the feeling foreign but not unwelcome. Instinctively, Javi’s free hand came around her shoulders, his fingers playing lightly on her bare skin. 

For once, he wasn’t worried about keeping a woman at arm’s length, or thinking she’d want more than he would, or that he’d have to make up some story why he couldn’t see her. Sheila was undoubtedly her own person and seemed perfectly happy to allow him to float in her orbit on his own terms. 

“Want some lunch?” Sheila was idly tracing lines up and down his chest. “I’ve got plenty of food from my shoot.”

Javi paused, his stomach rumbling. 

He laughed softly. “Yeah, lunch sounds good.” 

He felt Sheila’s smile against his skin, her lips giving him a light kiss. “Take your time, sleepyhead.” She tickled his side slightly and sat up. “Stay all day, if you’d like, I’ve got no plans.”

He smiled as she walked back to the main loft area, his eyes closing for a moment as he tried to piece together exactly what he was doing. Sheila felt like an instantaneous spark that shot through him, already invading him in ways that other women hadn’t. It made him feel uncomfortable, but he also felt like he couldn’t stop what was happening. 

He stretched and reached for his cigarettes, taking his last one from the pack. The sharp inhale of the first drag shook him awake fully, the dregs of the remaining coffee providing an extra boost to finally get him out of bed. He heard the record player click on, soft music filtering through the space.

Javi slid his jeans over his hips, not bothering to button them. It was already warming up, and he could feel the humidity slowly creeping through the space. In Texas, everyone had air conditioners, something he found in short supply already in the City, his new apartment included. 

He shrugged the last set of aches from his body, and glanced out the window. The block was alive, more people than he’d usually see in Texas, and he wasn’t sure if he’d get used to the city, even for the summer. Perhaps the weeks would be a blur, especially with a beautiful distraction. 

Javi poked his head around the corner, the upbeat music filling the loft growing louder, Sheila dancing barefoot in her barely there tank top and shorts.

“Who are you listening to now?”

“The newish Fleetwood Mac. I like the second side better than the first.” She crooked her finger toward him. “Come here.”

Javi froze. He hated when his father used to make him dance with the girls at weddings. He’d much rather sneak out the back and smoke with the older boys, or find a girl that hated to dance as much as he did and take her out back instead. 

“Not much of a dancer.” 

“Don’t be shy, it’s just us.” Sheila encouraged. “This song has a great beat, shame to waste it.” 

She grabbed his hand, and pulled him close. “Besides, it’s an excuse to touch you.” 

Javi let her lead, her head resting against his body, swaying as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He had to admit, this wasn’t so bad. It was just him and Sheila, their bodies perfectly molded together.

He chuckled slightly. “Okay, it’s not too bad.” 

He couldn’t help but take the opportunity to let his hands roam everywhere as they danced - down her spine, feather-light touches that encouraged her to move closer, over her hips, dipping down into the curve of her ass, urging her closer, the friction making him half-hard in his jeans. 

“See, there are advantages to dancing.” Sheila rolled her hips against him, her legs snaking between his.

“Tease.” He chided, his tongue poking out slightly. 

“Always.” She turned around, intentionally grinding on him, the visual almost too much to bear as she bent down, legs spread, an encouraging look on her face as she grabbed her ankles and looked back at him. “Ever had a girl dance like this for you, baby?” Her voice was low and dangerous, and he loved it. 

Javi shook his head slowly. “Not quite.” 

He watched as if in a trance as Sheila continued to grind against him, his hands firmly on her hips as she rolled to the beat, her body snaking back up slowly until her arms came up and wrapped around his neck, his dick straining almost painfully in his denim.

“Fuck…” he murmured as he slipped a hand into her shorts, his fingers spreading her folds, slick and hot as he held her firmly against him, two fingers entering her as she writhed against him, the heat and clench of her muscles driving him insane. 

“Yes…” Sheila hummed, her legs spreading as he fingered her, her arms wrapping tighter around his neck as she held on. 

“Ever had a man treat you like this, honey?” He whispered deeply in her ear. 

“God, Javi…” Sheila’s words sounded more like cries as he pumped his fingers in and out of her, teasing her slightly by not giving her more. “Need you…”

He pulled his hand out of her shorts and turned her around quickly, his lips finding hers as she pulled on his hair, trying to draw him as close as possible. 

“Couch.” Javi breathed out. 

Sheila followed him and pushed him down on the cushions, his body tense with want as she hovered over for a moment, almost imposing as she straddled him, tossing her top off and throwing it aside. 

She dove in greedily, surprising him as she grabbed his hands, and guided them to her breasts, her mouth on his before he even knew what was happening. 

He felt like a horny teenager with her, grinding against her in his jeans, his mouth traveling down her neck to her chest before cupping her breast, his tongue greedily teasing her nipple, teeth grazing the flesh as Sheila bucked against him, her voice pitching higher as he grabbed her hips and ground them against him, wanting more friction, more of everything. 

“Wanna go again?” Sheila’s eyebrow quirked and Javi felt the rush of blood center squarely in his groin as he moved to pull down his pants. 

She stilled his hand. “Leave them on.” She panted, her own loose shorts pushed to the side. “Just take it out.”

 _Oh fuck._ Javi looked up at her, as she slid the zipper of his jeans and palmed his erection, her hands teasing the head, swirling the pre-cum that was gathering, and he willed himself to not lose it completely just from her touch. 

He bucked slightly and was met with her firm thighs pressing down into him. 

“No, no, no… Stay still.” She teased. “This is my ride, Javi.”

She took his dick in her hands, easing herself down, and Javi watched as he disappeared into her, the visual hot and feral, her face beautiful, mouth open, body taut as she took him fully. 

This fuck was hungrier than their last. Sheila took him like a woman possessed, determined to wrench out the most pleasure for both of them, half clothed, rutting against each other like their lives depended on it. Javi let her slam her hips down as she fucked, the pace ruthless as she shifted angles to get the right amount of friction, and he let her, knowing they’d both probably have bruises from the ferocity of their bodies begging to get closer, chasing their pleasure. 

“Oh god, I’ve been thinking about you all morning, ever since…” she groaned as she shifted her angle on his cock. “....ever since you stayed inside me.. Fuck, so hot…” 

Javi’s eyes rolled back in his head, as he tried to form a coherent thought. 

“Let go baby, come on...cum for me…” He growled, so close to his own release. 

“So close…” She panted and rolled her hips hard, Javi feeling the shake of her body as she crested. 

“That’s it, give it to me, baby...” he whispered, his voice soft against the fierceness, rocking her against him as she came, his own release chasing hers, his moans deep as he braced her hips, jutting into her, coming with an intensity he’d not felt in a long time. 

He let his head fall back as he came down, his hands releasing their grip, soft touches to calm and soothe them both. 

“The things you do to me, Javi.” Sheila was still holding onto him, still panting, her body cooling as they came down, her laughter rich and lovely as she readjusted herself on his lap. “God, I haven’t fucked like that in a long time.”

He felt fucked dumb, his stomach almost heaving from the exertion, his dick still hanging out, cum everywhere. 

“Me either, honey.” He couldn’t remember when he fucked like that ever, the intensity and the speed dizzying. 

“Still hungry?” She threw a look back at him as she stood, fishing in the cushions for her discarded top. 

“Starving.” He managed to make out, as he shook his head, trying to come back down to earth. 

“Got just the thing.” He watched Sheila just about glide across the floor and start to busy herself in the kitchen, seemingly unaware of how she looked, perfectly well-fucked, her tank barely covering her breasts as she jumped around gathering bowls and ingredients out of her fridge.

Javi tucked himself back in and tried to steady himself as he stood, still woozy. He desperately wanted a cigarette, but mostly wanted to eat. 

He leaned against the large island for support, marveling in the magic of food just - appearing - before him. 

“Jeez, you have all of this here?” He could barely remember the last time he had a full refrigerator, preferring to pick up something on the way home, or more often than not, get by on beer and cigarettes. 

“I like to cook, and remember, I have to feed people for work.” She grinned. “People get restless if they don’t think there is food around on a shoot.” 

“Same on a stakeout.” He shrugged. “Guess people are the same no matter what.”

She gave him a knowing glance. “More than you know, honey. Have you ever had sesame noodles before?” 

Javi scrunched up his face. “What’s that?” 

“They are delicious.There is a little place not far from here that make the best ones. I convinced Shorty to give me his recipe.” 

She put a cucumber and knife in front of him. “Go ahead and make little sticks. Like this.” Sheila took a piece of the cucumber and demonstrated for him, cutting perfect little matchsticks. He couldn’t remember the last time he did this, but took the knife and expertly cut the same tiny matchsticks that she had and she gave him a proud look. 

“I don’t really cook.” He offered. “But I can get by. My mother and grandmother always put me to work.”

“Are they still around?” Sheila’s gaze was kind, not prying, like she really wanted to know more about him. 

He shook his head. “No, unfortunately not. Just have my Pops, now.”

“I understand. My parents and I…” She stilled, and Javi noticed her hands gripped the counter slightly. “We don’t get along. Never have, but when they found out what I was doing, it was pretty much the last straw. I haven’t talked to them in almost fifteen years. And it’s funny, because they are still in the same house in Brooklyn. Sometimes I walk by, but I know I’m not welcome and I never will be.”

He reached for her hand, his face acknowledging the cruelty of the situation, but still not exactly sure what to say or do. Luckily, she shook her head, a tiny smile crossing her lips. “It’s okay. I’ve made peace with it for the most part. Family isn’t always blood.” 

“You seem to have done okay.” He offered. “I mean, parents are never satisfied. My father wanted me to stay and work on his ranch. I had other ideas.”

“Oh, I can see you as a rough and tumble rancher, baby.” Sheila took the cucumbers he had cut up and put them back in a bowl, a paper towel absorbing the rest of their liquid. “Now, this is the secret ingredient which makes no sense, and doesn’t fit in, but makes the dish.”

Javi laughed when she pulled out a container of Jif. “Peanut butter?” 

“When it all comes together, you’ll see it works.” Sheila dumped a scoop of peanut butter in with the rest of the ingredients, stirring the mixture, and Javi guessed she had made this a million times because she barely looked down at what she was doing as she slid the cold long noodles into the mix. 

“It’s cold?”

Sheila laughed. “Yes, it’s cold. And it’s spicy. Perfect for a hot day.” A brief flicker of a frown crossed her face. “Ack! I didn’t even ask if you liked spicy food.” 

Javi snorted. “Oh yeah, I’m good.” He thought about the spicy chicken soup his abuela used to make for him, the burn of the chili pepper that used to clear his perpetually stuffy nose as a child forever a sense memory.

“Can I help with anything else?” He wanted to be somewhat useful even if she had everything under control. 

Sheila nodded eagerly. “Go get those bowls; there are some clean forks in the dish rack.”

Javi moved around the island to grab what she had asked for, the feeling solidly domestic and almost mundane, but he was enjoying the simple pleasure of helping her make lunch. 

He let her fill up their bowls and she nodded toward the couch. “No kitchen table, but I am sure this is fine, right?”

“Of course.” Javi didn’t care where he was, as long as he was spending time with her.

He settled in, and smelled the dish. It did smell faintly of peanut butter, but other things too. He knew he was being watched as he dug in to take his first bite. She was right, it was spicy, but also sweet, and he actually really enjoyed it. It was like nothing he had back home. 

He saw Sheila’s expectant gaze bore through him.

“Come on, what do you think? She probed. 

He waited for a beat, not wanting to admit that he shouldn’t have scrunched up his nose. He could eat this any time.

“Okay, wow. They are good.”

“Told you.” She dug her toes under his thigh, and wiggled them, delight on her face. “Want to listen to something? Most of my collection is here. Helps the mood sometimes.”

“Sure, what’s your favorite? I’ll put it on.” Javi wasn’t a huge music person and figured anything she’d like was fine by him. 

“Nope. Go ahead, you pick one. Gentleman’s choice.”

Javi put his bowl aside and stood, quickly thumbing through her impressive collection. Sheila obviously cared deeply about music; there were a ton of obscure albums, mixed with jazz, classical, and a ton of stuff he didn’t recognize, which made him feel completely uncool. He usually just went along with whatever was on the radio, but admittedly had a soft spot for Carly Simon. 

Javi waved a green cover with three surly looking young men in front of her. “I’ve never heard of them, any good?”

“Oh, not music for a lazy Sunday. My friend brought that back from England. I don’t even think it's released here yet. Maybe something else?” She stretched her legs out on the sofa, her eyes soft and encouraging as she ate her noodles. 

He thumbed through some more albums until he hit on a stark cover with a female singer. “I haven’t heard of her, what’s she like?”

Sheila nodded eagerly. “Oh, she’s amazing. You’ve never heard of her?” 

Javi shook his head. “I mostly listen to the radio.” 

“She’s British too. Oh, yes, this has one of my favorite songs on it. Put it on.” 

He carefully took the record from its sleeve and turned the record player on, a soft voice filling the room. He smiled. Perfect for a Sunday. 

He stood and made his way back to the sofa, Sheila handing him his almost finished bowl of food. He had been hungrier than he thought. As he twirled the remaining noodles, his brain worked through exactly what he wanted to ask her. It had been on his mind and now seemed as good a time as any to ask.

“So when you are actually making films, are people turned on?” He had been insanely curious. He’d seen porn, and even had a few packed up with the rest of his stuff in Austin. 

Sheila smiled. “Sometimes the right scene at the right moment with the right actors can be very arousing.” She paused. “Since I direct now, I try to make sure the set is more welcoming - I intentionally hire more women because it be fucking intimidating to try to fuck in front of ten men.”

“That many people?” He shifted slightly. Even though he wasn’t uncomfortable with Sheila’s line of work, it was entirely new to him to know someone who actually did porn. Sure, he’d seen plenty, and he’d even taken naked pictures of Vanessa to carry around, but Sheila was on a completely different level.

“Yeah, not to mention they sometimes shoot back to back so there are a lot of people just idling around. It’s a job. It can be a fun job, but it is still a job. And like I said before, was much safer than tricking.” 

Javi nodded. He could imagine the streets of New York were not the easiest, nothing like the girls back home in Laredo that all shared a house where you’d go to spend a little time. 

“Do you ever still get involved?”

“In the movies themselves? Ha, sometimes I’ll have a cameo, if I need a background person. And I am forever instructing these boys on how to eat pussy. But do I fuck on film? Not anymore. I’d rather be in charge.” She winked.

“I’m sure that’s a sight.” He grinned, and Sheila raised an eyebrow. 

“You can come by sometime, if you want to see me work.” She put her noodles aside and crawled up to him, her body resting solidly against his. “It is really a job, but with naked people. Sometimes a lot of them. And dicks, honey. Lots of dicks.”

Javi snorted, not expecting that to be her enticement. “Well when you put it that way…” He wrapped his arms around her, as she rested her head on his chest. 

She giggled, and Javi loved the sound of it.

“You’re sweet, Texas boy. Hope you’ll stick around for a while. I like you.”

Javi drew her in tighter, the dulcet sounds of his chosen record filling in the gaps where he had no words. He stroked her back, as she settled down into his body, her warmth welcome. It wasn’t sexual. She just felt _so_ good, and he’d not felt so calm in a long time. 

\--

He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, falling in and out of sleep, kissing softly, talking about nothing in particular but he could tell the sun was dropping in the sky and he had his first official day of work tomorrow. 

“I hate to say this, but I better go.” Javi reluctantly pulled the words out of his mouth, the idea of his small apartment with its unpacked boxes suddenly distasteful. 

“I know, I just didn’t want to say it first.” Sheila pushed herself up, and held out her hand to help him up. “Where’s your shirt? As hot as you are, I am not having you go home like this.” She waved her free hand up and down. “You may not make it home, New Yorkers are _feral_ in the summer.”

He laughed, and looked around. “I think everything is in the bedroom, I’ll get it.” 

Javi stood, his body aching a bit from being in the same position for hours, but he honestly didn’t mind. He quickly found his clothes, and slipped his shoes back on. 

When he walked back into the main loft area, he saw Sheila reaching for a notepad, her eyes searching for a pen. He walked over to see what she was doing, not wanting to be too intrusive. 

“I know you don’t have a phone yet. So here.” Sheila ripped off a piece of paper from the notepad and scribbled her number down. “Call me.” She reached around him, and slid the piece of paper in his back pocket, her hands squeezing his ass. “I could make a habit of you, Javier Peña.” Her eyebrow quirked up, a slight smirk on her face.

He almost felt sheepish at the praise she gave him. “I’ll call you this week, okay.” He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips, trying to memorize her taste, not knowing when he’d get a chance to see her again.

“You better.” She smiled. “Now, go on, it’s your first day. I don’t want to be the reason you’re late.” 

He nodded and with one last lingering kiss, he opened the door and made his way back down the stairs and onto the street. 

Javi looked down at her looping handwriting, reminding him it was in fact ‘Sheila’ that the number belonged to. Like he could forget. He tucked the paper into his wallet, not wanting to risk losing it before he could write her number down at home. 

He rounded the corner, and seeing a yellow cab close by, he held out his hand, to begin his journey back uptown. 

\--

Monday morning hit Javi like a freight train; the dizzying excitement of a new _something_ gave way to the reality of why he was in the city in the first place. He knew that this case was a mess. The fact that neither the NYPD or the goddamn DEA could pin a single charge on Nicky Barnes was a huge embarrassment to the agency. He couldn’t understand why so little had been given to the field agents on the ground. It pissed him off, but it was also nothing new. It was like they were begging people to bend the rules by giving the team the minimal amount to work with. 

The tense feeling warred with the warmth he felt when he thought of Sheila. It seemed almost impossible to meet someone so seemingly like him, and he tried to not to think about fate, luck, and most importantly how round and luscious her ass was. 

He surprised himself by staying with her all weekend, fucking every which way until they were too tired to do anything else but sprawl out on the bed, smoke, listen to music, and jump from one topic to the next. She made cold noodles that he was suspicious of but ended up being delicious. She didn’t ask the hard questions, and he didn’t push her. When she casually slid her phone number into his jeans pocket yesterday afternoon, it didn’t feel like an obligation.

It felt like he’d won the fucking lottery. 

As he rounded the corner to the office, he grimaced at the sip of the bodega coffee he’d hastily bought on his way. He was warned about it, but figured it couldn’t be that bad. He could hear Diaz’s voice in his head. _It’s shit, they reuse grounds. Go around the corner to Rex’s, much better._

She was right, of course. Fuck. He really should listen to women from now on. He rubbed his forehead as he stepped into the elevator, ten o’clock on the dot. 

When the door opened, the receptionist he saw on Friday wasn’t there, instead, in her place was a stern looking woman, who didn’t look too happy to see him. 

“Are you Peña?” She barked.

“I am, and who is this beautiful woman before me?” He tried his best to turn on the charm, even though he knew it would be wasted.

The woman rolled her eyes, obviously not interested in his charm offensive. 

“SAC Bennett has been waiting for you. We start at eight.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that somewhere.”

Javi trudged through the door, doing his best to put on his game face. He didn’t take the start time seriously at all - who the hell made field agents come in at a prescribed time?

He barely had time to drop his shit coffee on his new desk when he heard his name. 

“Javier Peña?” He gritted his teeth at the pronouncement of his last name. 

“It’s PEN-nyah, not PEEya.” Javi clenched his fists, trying to remember he was at work.

The man who bellowed his name was obviously ex-military, with a severe haircut and even more severe face. He walked with purpose towards Javi, and offered an outstretched hand. 

“SAC Dirk Bennett. We start at eight.” 

“Is that so?” Javi raised an eyebrow, not even an apology for mispronouncing his damn name. “In Texas, field agents are given the courtesy of a flexible schedule.”

“This isn’t Texas, Agent.” 

Diaz stood behind Bennett, mouthing _I told you_ and rolling her eyes before she moved around to sit at her desk, trying to avoid the man herself. God, he was beginning to want to take her with him to Bogota. They’d have a field day at a foreign post. 

Javi couldn’t believe this was the shiteater in charge. He knew his body language was giving off asshole vibes, rigidly coiled and barely contained. He didn’t really care, especially since this was a temporary stop on a long road. 

“Diaz told me you stopped by on Friday and she started briefing you. Menedez specifically said you were the best border agent he had. Didn’t take you for a late starter.”

Javi took the entrance and ran with it. “You can’t expect people who have been working all night to come in at eight, especially when active on a case.”

“I expect all agents to be in here on time, Peña. Doesn’t matter what they’ve been doing. You choose the field. You know what that means.”

He breathed deeply, knowing what this was and the type of man Bennett was. If he was going to whip is dick out in the middle of the office, with people trying not to watch, Javi could do the same.

“Yeah, I do. It means we get the actual work done while pencil pushers dictate policies that make no sense and good agents get hurt or worse, killed. I know about the track record around here, and it looks like I arrived in the nick of fucking time.” Javi seethed. 

“Is that so, Peña?” Bennett looked at him over his smudged glasses, his eyes narrowing. 

“With all due respect, your methods aren’t yielding anything.” Javi pressed on, not giving a fuck if Bennett sent him packing right back to Austin. “Diaz tells me you are relying heavily on undercover units. Given the spread of Barnes’ organization, it would be better to focus on the mid-level dealers, set up remote surveillance, and track their movements. Real intel. Cultivate a set of solid informants who know the people inside and out. What you are doing right now looks like you're grasping at straws, and putting agents in untested situations. I would propose a pull back on your undercover to get your surveillance network right. If you are dropping lines and they aren’t working, we should regroup and figure out what they’re using and counter it. You could be getting CCTV run in these places under the guise of a real security company. You’ve got tape you could run continuously. And you aren’t even trying.” 

“Anything else while you’re at it?” Bennett stood stock still, but Javi could feel the resentment rolling off the man and he relished it. 

He wasn’t sent here to kowtow to a boss who hadn’t been able to net a single significant conviction. 

Javi shook his head, his motion fluid as he got up right into Bennett’s personal space. If there was one thing he hated, it was dogmatic and draconian attention to the rules and cocky men who thought they had it all figured out. 

“What you are doing here makes all of us, not just New York, look stupid.” 

For a moment, Javi could see doubt on the older man’s face, quickly replaced by a hard, thin frown, resolute and quiet. It was pleasing to see that he got under the man’s skin, even just a little. He backed off slightly as he leaned on his desk, his chest heaving. 

Bennett huffed, “My methods, as you call them, have never steered me wrong in the last twenty-five years. What are you, five years out of the academy?”

“Eight, and all of those spent in the field, at our southern border, seeing things you’d never see behind your damn desk.”

“Is that all, Agent Peña? Bennett barked, his voice pitching higher. “You are here to augment, not lead. We’ve been gaining traction with the dealers. Undercover work is the best way to infiltrate. Technology doesn’t trump that, no matter what you’re being taught these days. The undercover operations stay as they are.”

Javi looked at him, incredulous, his jaw locked in frustration. “Yeah, meanwhile you’re letting local law enforcement trip up your operations and not giving a damn about it.” 

“That’s final, Peña.” Bennett snarled. “I hold Menedez in high esteem and he promised me you were an excellent agent. He didn’t tell me you had an ego problem. You haven’t even been here one day and you think you know what’s best for this office and particularly this case. I think you need to cool down before you make a career ending mistake. I know about your permanent transfer, and I’d hate to see that disappear.”

Javi paled. 

“Yes, sir.” He managed through gritted teeth, as he gripped the edge of his desk. 

Thankfully, Bennett walked back to his office, before Javi did something he might actually regret. 

He breathed deeply, internal rage giving way to rational thought.

_Man, fuck this guy._

_\--_

She found Javi in the break room a little later after his confrontation with Bennett, fumbling with their half-broken coffeemaker. She didn’t have the heart to tell him it made coffee worse than the bodega’s. To Diaz, this was just another day under Bennett’s thumb, but she knew it must be a shock to his system. She leaned against the counter, her voice low so only Javi could hear her. 

“Don’t let him get to you. He’s just a DC asshole waiting on his pension.”

“I’m fine, really. He’s just fucking wrong and if I can rattle his cage a bit, it’s gotta be better than staying silent.”

Diaz sighed and rubbed her head. Bennett was a 25 year old veteran, former FBN, and was seen as a freaking God because of the Genovese case. Everyone thought he walked on water. Except her. 

“He’s been wrong about a lot of things. Someone above us is covering his shitty decisions, and instead they bring in more agents as a way to fix the problem. You know the Genovese case?”

Javi nodded. “Of course. Read about it in school.”

She pursed her lips. “He was one of the leads on it.”

“No shit.” Javi frowned. “So that’s why no one says anything?”

Diaz nodded. “Exactly. And look at me, you think I can say anything? Shit, they are looking for a reason to can me or put me on desk duty. And even now, I’m expendable to this crew of fools.”

They shared a look, and Diaz knew, even though he was a man, Javi had to have had his share of run-ins with the good old boys down in Texas. It never seemed to get easier, but she appreciated that he had almost immediately taken to her and she felt like she could possibly have a real partner for the first time in her career.

“Does this fucking coffeemaker work or what?” Javi pushed at the buttons, and Diaz snorted, a half-laugh escaping her mouth. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. You just look so determined.” She pointed to the dent in the side. “Carter shoved the carafe into too hard one day and now it doesn’t turn on right.”

“And you were going to tell me when?” Javi broke into a smile, the first one she saw on him all day. 

“Thought you might want to get some aggression out, figured the broken coffeemaker was better than Bennett’s head.”

“Fair.”

“Come on. Let’s get some fresh air. Bennett will be sucking up over teleconference for the rest of the day.”

Diaz led them out the back way, to the freight elevator, so no one would see their mid-day exit. The other agents, especially Smith, had big hard-ons for the SAC, and she didn’t want them starting idiotic rumors where there was nothing going on. 

“You drank that shitty bodega coffee, didn’t you?” 

“How can you tell?” 

She opened the door to Rex’s, the smell of rich coffee and the amazing pastries instantly calming her down. 

“Bodega coffee makes everyone grumpy, Javi.” She caught Rex’s eye. He was one of her favorites, always quick with advice and a warm seat when she was feeling stressed or low. Coming into his tiny coffee shop always calmed her down. She hoped it would help her partner too.

“Two large coffees, black, and gimme a slice of babka, Rex.” 

“You got it, Mercedes. Just brewed a fresh pot.” 

Diaz turned to him, a triumphant smile on her face. “I _told_ you, Javi. No wonder you ripped Bennett a new one. You’ll feel much better with real coffee in you.”

She motioned for Javi to take a seat in the booth as Rex brought over their coffees and the generously cut piece of bread. 

“Go on, take a sip.” 

She watched his face as it scrunched up, and then relaxed, his eyes closing for a moment as he sipped. 

“Damn, that’s good coffee.”

“Told you. Eventually, you’ll listen to me. This is my town, Javi, I know what’s up.”

Diaz breathed in the warm aroma of the coffee, enjoying her first deep sip. 

“How have you put up with this?” Javi looked at her with compassion, clearly aware that today wasn’t a bad day and there were certainly worse days behind her. 

Diaz shrugged. “Would you believe the NYPD was worse? Fresh out of the academy, you know what they had me do? Parking tickets. I graduated at the top of my class, and I was one step above a desk clerk.”

“That’s tough.” 

Diaz’s lips formed a thin line, her head nodding. She broke off a piece of bread and glanced out the window. She wasn’t quite sure how to explain all the broken promises, the pain, the desperation of wanting to be something more than what her family expected. She didn’t know how to tell Javi that her own sense of justice was complicated by her father’s crimes, and her mother’s indifference to them.

“The police department has been cleaning house the last few years. You know, Serpico and all. So they’d been putting on a good face, trying to show the public that they were serious about getting a more _diverse_ force. I was put on an undercover unit and was damn good at it. Still am. It was hard to ignore the fact that a woman simply could get into places a man couldn’t. Pretty soon, the feds were in town, looking to hire and increase their presence. It was hard to turn me down with my credentials but they knew eyes were on them not to do something to piss off the politicians. I know people look at me and think I’m a pity hire, but I’m a damn good agent and the best undercover this office has.”

Javi’s eyes narrowed, his brow furled. “Does it piss you off?”

Diaz heaved a huge sigh. “Every damn day, Javi.”

Javi leaned in close, his body hunching as he whispered conspiratorially. “Well let’s do something about it, then.” 

“Like what? You saw Bennett. He won’t let anyone make any independent decisions.”

“Fuck him. What would you do if you were in charge?”

Diaz pursed her lips and the words came tumbling out. “I’ve got a list of people - not just the dealers, but a few women who work in his labs. I’ve got a handle on a mid-level operative that works out of Newark, manages traffic flow. I’ve got phone numbers, office locations. I’ve even got a lead on where his right-hand man spends most of his time. It’s all there Javi.”

Javi slapped the table, surprising her. “Well damn, Diaz, let’s turn this investigation inside out.” 

“For real?” 

“Sometimes in order to get things done, you’ve gotta bend the rules, Diaz. Let’s bend them together and blow Bennett out of the water.”

“You know this is dangerous, Javi. Bennett’s powerful.” Diaz cautioned.

“That may be. But he’s not right, and someone has to bring this agency into the modern world.”

Diaz looked at Javi thoughtfully. He _was_ right, even if it was risky. 

“Finish your coffee, and let’s get started.” 

\--

The next few days, he and Diaz squirreled away, going through her possible list of informants. She’d managed to collect a group of functional junkies and whip smart working girls that orbited Barnes but she wasn’t sure who would be willing to talk, let alone get wired up for them. Javi had taken all her information and created a chart - they clearly had a functional network that they could see, and that Bennett had avoided exploiting to bring the case to a close. 

She’d even put in a call into her cousin, who was on the NYPD’s surveillance unit to see if he could get a lead on a CCTV company that’d be discreet but with the city being bankrupt, he was no help. So far, they’d mostly spun their wheels, coming against roadblocks with each inch of tiny progress they made toward formulating a new plan. 

And neither of them could avoid the inevitable. Despite his protests, Bennett had insisted the newest undercover operation go on as planned, and pointedly told Javi he better show up, despite his opinion, because it was his damn job. 

So here they were, crouched in the back of the agency’s single large Dodge-B van, sweating their asses off. 

The night was heavy with humidity, and Javi could hear that people were still out on the street, escaping their airless apartment prisons even though it was past midnight. 

He couldn’t believe that Carter and Smith were getting fucking loaded before an undercover op. Sure, he’d drank on the job, but not when he had to fucking drive and certainly not if another agent was on the line. He wasn’t that stupid.

“You guys do this all the time?” Javi called from the back of the van, as he watched them open another six-pack. 

“Sure, let off a little steam before going uptown. Nothing interesting ever happens anyway.” 

He was pissed that the other agents thought so little of Diaz that they wouldn’t be on point to take care of her if shit went down.

What a fucking mess. 

“How does it look?” Javi turned his attention back to his partner as she adjusted her dress for the fourth time. He knew she was frustrated that the wire seemed to not settle right in the tight dress, the bulky transmitter hidden behind a clunky belt. 

“Diaz, I swear, it’s fine.” 

“They are going to pat me down.” 

Javi shook his head. “Don’t let them. Trust me. Just say no. Pull that woman card. I bet if you make a fuss, they’ll keep their hands to themselves. What woman is packing a knife or a gun?”

Diaz snorted. “In New York? You’d be surprised.” 

Javi held up his hands “Fair.” 

“This dress is ridiculous.” 

Javi had to bite back his words. The dress was certainly ridiculous but in the best ways. She seemed to have a knack for picking exactly the right clothes to blend in. 

“Here, hold on.” Javi leaned back. “Turn around.” Diaz moved in her seat to give him better access to the wire location. He looked critically, trying to see if he could see the wire through the shiny fabric. It was a strange feeling for him, looking for curves not to seek the softest spots to touch, but to make sure his partner wasn’t at all exposed to eagle eyes. All he saw in front of him was an agent who was able to be thrust into a highly dangerous environment. All he wanted was her back safely. 

“I think you are feeling it more than anything.” Javi bit his lip, his face scrunched up. K-tels were terrible because they were so bulky and more than once he’d had an informant get burned by the heat of the unit. “Do you have double-sided tape?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m using. But it’s itchy, the dress is itchy, and I just have a bad feeling.”

Javi shook his head. “Look, how many times have you done this now? At least twenty? It’s going to be routine, and you’ll be fine. Don’t spook yourself.” Javi put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, his voice low. “Come on now, I’m here.” He squeezed her arm softly. 

“Thanks, Javi.” Her eyes darted to the front. “At least if shit goes down, I know I’ve got backup.”

“Always, Diaz.” Javi checked his watch. “What time does the club open?” 

“About ten minutes or so.”

Javi nodded. “Just remember, we’re going to figure a way out of this.” 

“Yeah, thanks to you.” She smiled. “Alright, I better get going, because I’m going to walk around the park to get back to the spot and I’m always one of the first there.”

“Hey!” Javi called out. “She’s going to drop out. Go around the corner to the park and make sure no one’s around.”

“Yeah, we’re on it.” Carter kicked up the van and it lurched forward until they turned a corner and rolled to a secluded service road, usually used for park employees. It allowed enough cover for Diaz to exit through the back and cross over to the sidewalk without noticing where she came from.

“You ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” Diaz smiled.

“You run into any trouble, you leave. Don’t even think. You get into trouble, I’ll be there.”

“Thanks, Javi.” She pressed her hand into his. “I mean it.”

The other agents gave a thumbs up and Javi watched as she put her stilettos on, grabbed a tiny bag and exited the back of the van. He made sure she made it onto the main street without anyone tracking where she came from. 

He went back into the van, and put the bulky headphones on. The silence was deafening and he was almost certain that they ran a bum wire when he heard the comforting hum and fuzz of the transmitter flip on. Diaz must have made it to the bathroom because the next sound he heard was women chatting, and water being run. The signal was actually pretty clear, as long as Diaz stood still; the shift of the fabric sometimes caused him to miss a word but overall he was pleased. She shouldn’t have been worried at all. 

He flipped on the recording, eyeballing Carter who was fiddling with the frequency radio, three sheets to the wind. _What a useless shithead_. Javi shook his head and gave him a look, his hand shaking. “Cut it out, Carter.”

He listened intently, trying to match up where Diaz was with the sound he heard. She had briefed him on how they’d architected these operations, but there was still something unsettling about hoping for random buys from Barnes’ associates to net Barnes himself. And sure, he was no more than five minutes away, but he knew all too well that five minutes could be five hours if she was found out. 

The music was loud and he could tell she was making her way around the small club. Almost immediately she was offered heroin but she begged him off. Like most operations, there was a lot of work for little payoff. He listened as Diaz navigated boyfriend troubles with the other women, the way they spoke familiar and knowing, and Javi marveled at how well she remembered all the little details of these women’s lives. She lived the part seamlessly. 

Even still, the whole situation made him uncomfortable the longer the night went on. More than once, Diaz had to beg someone off touching her. None of the right people seemed to want to sell to her tonight, either. The aggression grew worse as the crowd sunk into altered states, the rustling of fabric and bodies and Diaz’s voice indicating people were getting way too close for comfort. But he knew she’d held her own time and time again, so he tried to quell the agitation he felt with each passing minute. 

“Hey now, be nice.” He heard her say, as the man close to her tried to convince her to go with him, back to his place. 

“No, let’s stay here, let’s dance.” Diaz tried to get him to calm down, and Javi could hear the fabric of her dress up against something, distorting the sound.

“Back off a bit, papi. Let’s get a drink.” She tried again. “Not so rough, baby. Come on.” 

“No, stop, don’t…” 

And then he heard her scream, loud thuds, people shouting, and cacophonic sounds ringing in the headphones as he threw them off his head. 

Javi opened the doors to the van, not listening to the protests of the other agents. Fuck it all, no agent was going down on his watch, especially not her. 

He ran around the corner to their agreed spot, about to keep going straight to the club, his heart in his throat when he finally saw Diaz, dragging herself toward him, limping as best she could on stilettos. 

And he saw blood. A lot of blood. _Fuck._

“Get me to the van, let’s go.” She was breathing heavy, her hand holding up her dress strap, a heel broken, and an ankle quickly swelling, a deep cut across her collarbone, leading up toward her neck. 

Javi shut his mouth and scooped her up, her arms protesting. “Your adrenaline is about to shit out. Don’t argue. Trust me, Diaz.”

He rushed back around the corner, carrying her as gently as he could, the van doors still opened as he gently placed her in the backseat. 

Go, go, go.” He yelled, getting the other agents to kick the van in gear and hightail it to the nearest hospital. 

Javi turned back to Diaz, who was slumping down in the seat. He applied a bit of pressure to her neck, decent color still in her face, but her eyes heavy with pain. 

“What happened?” 

“He pulled a knife.” She managed, her breath labored as he got a better look at her. Stab wounds, multiple ones, all down her neck and collarbone. He tried to hide the concern in his face as he continued to hold her neck as still as possible. 

Javi used his free hand to cover her with a spare blanket, hating that he didn’t know enough about the city to know if it was the right call to drive to the hospital instead of calling for backup. And it didn’t help that the other two pencildicks couldn’t think themselves out of a paper bag. 

“How much further, Carter, can’t you see the damn road?” 

“Jesus, Peña, I’m going as fast I can. We’re going to Presbyterian, almost there.”

“I’m taking you to the hospital and I’m going back to fucking kill him.” 

“Javi…” She mustered, he shook his head, his hand resting on her face.

“Shhh, don’t talk. We’re close.”

Fuck the way this investigation was being run. Fuck Bennett, and fuck the people who got her into this situation. 

Carter finally pulled up to the hospital and Javi carried her through the emergency room doors, cradling her head as carefully as he could, yelling at the first white coat he saw.

“She’s DEA, she’s been stabbed and she needs help -- NOW.” 

“Diego!” The white coat shouted. “We got law enforcement down.” 

A stretcher appeared, and Javi helped her up unto it. The white-coat he had grabbed was one of the ER attending doctors, who was peppering Javi with a million questions at once. He hated that he couldn’t tell the doctor anything other than what he saw in front of him, and what he heard before he found her on the street.

“You are gonna be fine, Diaz. I’ve got you. I’m here, I’m here.” Javi tried to quell the panic in his own voice as she looked up at him, shock and fear registering in her face as they put a stabilizing collar on her.

“It’s just a precaution, sweetie.” He grasped her hand, trying to ignore her weak grip. 

The color in her face was fading and he ran back with the doctor as far as they would let him go.

“We’re taking her for a CT scan. If you want, you can wait in the doctor’s lounge, it’s more comfortable than the waiting room. Just show your badge.”

He leaned down and put his forehead against hers. “I’m not leaving. I’ll see you as soon as I can.” 

He looked up to the doctor, and felt his eyes itch and burn. “Please come get me as soon as you know something.” Javi begged, his voice hoarse and rough with stress. 

“Of course.” 

He wandered down the hall, in a bit of a daze until he found the lounge. The woman inside looked at him curiously and he realized that Diaz’s blood was covering his shirt, his body and hair slicked with sweat from the rush of getting her to safety. He flashed his badge weakly and she nodded toward an empty chair. 

The hard plastic seat seemed to kick back against him, his body aching as he let his head fall into his hands, powerless to control what happened next. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the undercover op weights heavily on Javi, creating a ripple effect through his entire existence in NYC. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this has taken a while and I am sure I’ve lost some folks! For those toughing it out, thank you! This chapter is pretty narrative heavy as well. 

\-- **  
**

He was swimming. Deep, dark, blue water, perfectly calm. Gliding through with ease, his arms slicing through the coolness as he dove further down, the world above becoming quieter and quieter as he calmly propelled himself through a coral cave.

He didn’t have to surface if he didn’t want to. He could stay in the water for as long as he needed for the calm to be complete, for his body to be given over to the soft caress of the sea. 

He heard a voice calling him. The figure rippling above the water, distant. He wanted to stay down in the deep where it was safe.

“Agent Peña...Agent Peña?” The hand was reaching down and down, so close to him. Strange how it seemed to reach and reach and reach…

“Agent…” The voice was louder now, ringing in his ears. The pull of the deep water was seductive, but the hand was insistently grabbing at him until he couldn’t resist any longer and he felt his lungs fill with murky water. 

Javier shook himself awake, groggy and sore from falling asleep in the chair. The nurse’s hand was warm on his shoulder, the contrast to the cooled air around him a shock to his system.

“You’re Agent Diaz’s partner, right?” 

He took in a large gulp of air, his mouth dry and cottony. 

“Is she...”

The nurse’s face changed from stern to soft. “I’m sorry, I don’t have an update. But we do need some information.” She held the clipboard out, the mess of boxes and words not something he wanted to deal with after an uncomfortable few hours in a fucking chair. 

Javier pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll give you what I can, but it won’t be much.” 

“Do what you can. Even a full name and an employer. I can call your office to talk to someone on Monday.”

Javi nodded solemnly, blinking rapidly as he tried to focus on the form. He managed to get her name down, their office address, and a phone number, but everything else they wanted was a mystery to him. A bit of guilt set in; how could he know so little about a person who just risked their lives for the largest DEA operation on the East Coast? He set the clipboard down and craned his neck, willing his muscles to relax as best as they could given the circumstances.

Even though he felt like it had been hours, a quick look at his watch told him he’d only be asleep for two. It was still the middle of the night, still too late to call the SAC, who probably would be more upset that he was woken up rather than hearing one of his agents had been injured. 

Javi could be annoyed, angry, even upset enough to yell. But rarely did he grow to hate someone. However, SAC Bennett was quickly rising in the ranks.

His knees creaked as he rose, the coffee machine hum beckoning him over. He hit the buttons in rapid succession, and soon an anemic paper cup dispensed, the watery coffee following. 

Javi’s stomach fought as he gulped the black liquid down, the burning heat giving him something else to focus on besides the dull walls of the break room. He picked up and put down the same magazine at least three times, the TV broadcasting useless static din, all the stations off the air in the middle of the night. 

Finally, he sat down on the sofa, wondering why he hadn’t chosen it in the first place. Too tired and too much shock, he supposed, the first stationary surface being good enough to collapse into.

The bile and anger he felt for how the entire op went down was rolling like thunder in his brain. No organization, no coordination, no backup plan. He was surprised that they hadn’t lost more people. It was a mess he wasn’t going to stand for, even if it meant getting shipped back to Texas under Menedez’s thumb. At least his thumb wasn’t shoved up its own ass. 

He wondered if the other agents were sleeping soundly in their beds, not worried about Diaz’s fate. It wasn’t lost on him that they had simply dropped them off - no follow through or even a call to the hospital. Javi was surprised that Mercedes had stuck it out as long as she had with these fools; it was clear they were at their best dangerous to work with and at the worst, complete and utter misogynists. 

He thought back to all the times where there were new female recruits at the PD. There had been a couple, but he’d never been assigned with any of them. He’d be polite and professional always, but now, his eyes were opened. 

He didn’t even want to imagine if he hadn’t been there tonight. He didn’t want to imagine what it would be like after he left. He was certainly no savior, but having someone in your corner always made a world of difference. And he was unequivocally in her corner. He just hoped he could see his partner through whatever happened next. 

The same nurse who had brought the clipboard popped her head in again. Javi nodded toward the paper, but she moved quickly to sit down beside him. He braced himself, her proximity too close for someone who wanted to deliver good news. His eyes felt uncharacteristically watery as she put her hand over his balled first. 

“Hey now.” She whispered, her voice softer than he expected, kindness in her eyes. “It’s okay. I wasn’t supposed to do this, but I just checked in on her. She’s resting. The doctor can speak with you more, but she’s very, very lucky. The knife wound was deep. The plan is to keep her here for a few days to ensure she doesn’t have any lingering respiratory issues or unforeseen complications.”

Javi felt the tight cord of muscle in his back slowly unwind. She was okay. Out of danger. Alive. He rubbed his free hand across his face, breath ragged as he took a deep breath. 

“Can I see her?” 

“She’s still in the recovery area, which means we haven’t assigned a bed yet. As soon as she has a bed upstairs, you can see her.” The nurse looked toward the doorway, making sure no one was passing by. “I’m technically assigned to the ER so I shouldn’t be rooting around but the way you looked, I just couldn’t let you sit in here with nothing. It wasn’t fair.” 

Javi nodded slowly as she patted his fist. “Try to relax, okay? She’s in good hands. The worst is over.”

The nurse grabbed her clipboard and quirked her lips up at the lack of information Javi had put in before rushing back out the door, the squeak of her shoes the only sound echoing through the eerily silent hospital. 

Javi stood and paced back and forth in the small room his nervous energy returned. Recovery. So they needed to do something if she was recovering. Just how bad was it?

He returned to the sofa, his leg bouncing as he stared out the window for a while, time operating in slow motion. He’d only felt like this once before, when his mother had died unexpectedly when he was a young boy. The long days after her passing muddied his brain, so much that now, years later he couldn’t remember what color dress they put her in for the funeral, or what he said at the wake, the summer passing in a blur at his grandmother’s, fireflies and thunderstorms his only memories. 

The brain had a funny way of distorting both time and place, and as the lights outside danced in slow motion, he couldn’t help but think of their last Christmas together. Javi remembered how the colorful lights of the tree made her face glow as she opened his handmade present, her warm arms around him as she had hugged him tighter than usual. It was the last real memory Javi could conjure of her, the last time he knew everything was okay. 

He’d never had a partner get injured on a job before; never come anywhere close to being hurt himself. While he had abstractly knew that there was a danger to his job, he never actually _thought_ about it, as if it wouldn’t actually impact him. He figured eventually his brain would lock this up tonight too, allowing him to carry on, despite the baggage he accumulated. 

He had almost drifted back off to sleep despite the swirling thoughts in his brain, this time feeling slightly more comfortable, when he heard his name called again.

“Agent Peña?” Javi cocked a single eye to the door, a shorter older man hovering half in the hallway, like he had somewhere else to go. 

“That’s me.” He stood and stretched slightly, a bit shaky. It wasn’t lost on him that the man’s eyes were fixed on his holstered gun and badge. He often got looks especially given that most of the time, he was in plainclothes. The man pushed his glasses up slightly as he thumbed through the folder he had in his hand. 

“I”m Doctor Burton. I took care of Agent Diaz this evening. She’s a very lucky lady.” He paused, his eyes slightly widened. “I didn’t know your work could be so dangerous.”

Javier nodded slowly. “It can be. First time I’ve had a partner injured. May I see her now?” Javi tapped his foot impatiently, just waiting to bounce out of the break room that had felt like a prison for the last few hours.

“You can, but she’s groggy. We had to sedate her to perform the procedure on her neck. She just made it from recovery to a room. She’s on our six floor.”

“Can you humor me on what the hell happened?” He rubbed his eyes slightly, the weariness of too many people and not enough information wearing him out. 

The doctor nodded, his tiny lips almost disappearing as he frowned slightly.

“Neck lacerations are tough, Agent. The neck doesn’t have a lot of protection if you think about it. Any penetration there can result in a number of potential issues, some life-threatening...”

“Is she still in danger?” He paled slightly despite what the nurse had said earlier, his body taut with fear. 

The doctor looked at Javier, pointedly. “I said some, Agent. In the case of Agent Diaz, while the penetration was deep, she didn’t suffer from respiratory distress or have any apparent neurologic impacts upon evaluation. In addition to the CT, we did a laryngoscopy as an exploratory procedure to ensure there was no damage to her larynx or throat. No arterial damage, which is another large concern when we talk about the neck. However, there were a number of muscles cut by the laceration. We were able to stem the bleeding with ligation, and then suture the end muscles back together. Thankfully, I do not think she will need a tracheotomy. She will see speech therapy on Monday for an evaluation, but I don’t think she will have any lasting damage. With a little time, she’ll be as good as new.” 

Javi shook his head, the words the doctor was saying a jumble. All he could hear was that he fucked up.

“I tried to get here as fast as I could...” 

The doctor shook his head vigorously. “You think this is a bad outcome?” The doctor pushed back on his heels and then leaned in slightly, his face fixed into a frown. 

“Agent, let me be frank with you. She was stabbed in the best possible place, in the best possible way - if I may say so. I see much smaller wounds come in, and they hit just the right way and BOOM - 3 months in rehab, some never regaining speech or worse. You did nothing wrong. You were fast, and by all accounts you kept her head and neck as stable as possible. You are a big part of why she’s going to be walking out of here in no time.”

“But still…” Javier put his hands on his hips, steadying himself. 

The man huffed and shook his head. “Still nothing. Stop beating yourself up. I’m an old man, Agent. I’ve seen it all come through here and I wouldn’t bullshit you. She may look a little worse for the wear, but I swear, in a few week’s time, she’ll be almost back to herself. Promise.” He briefly put his hand on Javi’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly. He sighed deeply, his beeper going off. “If you will excuse me…”

Javi nodded and watched the man walk away with more hustle than he thought possible. He surveyed the small room to make sure he didn’t leave anything and dashed out the door, eyeing the signs for the elevators. He quickly wove through the maze of the hospital, finally coming across the large bank that would take him up to the tower. His insistent pressing of the elevator button did nothing to hasten its arrival on the ground, and Javi ground his teeth as the numbers lit up in excruciating slowness until the doors finally opened, the bright humming lights in the tiny compartment jarring and disorienting. 

The elevator car rose just as slowly as it had descended. He paced nervously until he felt the lurch and stop, signaling his arrival. The doors opened to pindrop quiet, not unexpected, but he almost felt like an intruder for even being there. It was so late at night and most patients were sleeping. A nurse eyed him suspiciously, his badge conspicuously gleaming on his belt.

“Are you here for Ms. Diaz?” The nurse spoke barely above a whisper. 

Javi nodded.

“606. You can stay for a little bit, but based on how you look, I am going to tell you to go home and get some rest. If not for you, for her.” The nurse admonished, her eyes telling Javi she meant business. 

  
Javi grimaced, but knew the nurse was right. He was running on fumes, his eyes heavy, and his body heavier. He didn’t even know how to get home from this hospital, and in the state he was in, he wasn’t sure it was even safe. 

He doggedly put one foot in front of another as he eyeballed the room numbers. 606 was at the end of the hall, in a corner. The door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open just enough to step in.

Diaz had luckily been given a private room and if this had been anywhere else, he’d say she had a hell of a view. 

She was asleep, of course, the whirl and buzz of the machines around her creating a somewhat calming white noise. A few of them he understood, like her heart rate and oxygen but the rest were a mystery. She looked tiny in the big bed, an IV line snaking across her middle, her neck covered with her postoperative bandages and her dark hair limp against the pillow. 

He could see now that in addition to the neck, she had a huge bruise all over her cheek and eye. No doubt from the same man that thought it would be a good idea to stab a woman. 

But still, her breathing was even, and she looked like she was in a deep sleep. 

It killed him to know that the bastard was getting off scot-free; there was no way he could blow up the entire operation on this, despite wanting to. This wasn’t like Texas where a few well-placed calls to the police could get someone on an outstanding warrant or charge. But somehow, he had to find a way to get her some kind of justice. 

He brushed the stray hairs that fell across her forehead back behind her ear and reached down to tuck the thin blanket more solidly against her frame. 

“I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Javi whispered, the guilt rising in his chest. If he had been smarter, he would have been there with her; would have stopped this all from happening. If he had pushed harder on Bennett, stood his ground...

“Sir?” Javi turned to see the nurse from earlier. 

“I promise you, we are going to take good care of her, okay? You need to sleep.”

Javi nodded in acquiesce, his voice too rough to conjure up words. By impulse or by guilt, he leaned and placed a kiss on Diaz’s forehead, the warmth of her face a balm, and a beacon that she was in fact, alive. 

A soft hand touched his shoulder, and he almost jerked away before leaning into the touch, his defenses worn down to the bone. 

“If you want to be strong for her, you’ve got to take care of yourself.” The hand wound around his arm, and she walked with him, slowly, as if she knew what was keeping him up was sheer will and the remnants of the hospital coffee in his churning stomach. He felt almost placed into the elevator car, her hand disappearing right as the doors closed and he lurched forward as the car descended, almost losing his balance completely. 

He managed to right himself just as the elevator door opened to the lobby. Rubbing his eyes, he ambled out through the doors, lucky to find an idling cab outside. He felt boneless and strange, like he was a character in a movie. The backseat engulfed him as he sank his body into the pliant seat, his head lolling back. The cabbie’s radio played a soft song, one he hadn’t heard in a while, the dulcet tones echoing back a melancholy whisper that spoke of trouble and misery. 

He stared out the half-open window, the cool, but moisture heavy air circulating in his lungs, making him work harder for each breath. The city was quiet for once, just the whirl and whip of the wind as the cabbie smoothly maneuvered his way downtown. The cab driver didn’t say a word. Javi figured he must have known that picking up someone from the hospital at five in the morning didn’t welcome conversation.

It was disorienting really, to be some place new and to have so many things happen all at once. Between Sheila, the new job and now Diaz’s injuries, he felt like life was going by him all at once, with no time to slow down and really think about what the fuck he was doing. For the first time in a long time, he felt unable to truly contain his life in a way that made sense. 

The cab made an abrupt turn away from Riverside Drive, and Javi knew he had to be close to his street. He’d not memorized the blocks exactly, but he knew that just one more turn would deposit him on his street and when the neon light of the corner bodega came into view, he knew he was home. 

The bleak apartment did nothing to temper his mood. As sky began to color pink and light blue, he collapsed into bed, bloody clothes a stark contrast to the white sheets. Somewhere remotely rattling in his brain was the thought to get up and shower, but his body had other plans. He mindlessly kicked off his shoes before exhaustion overtook him and he felt himself fall into a deep and overwhelming slumber. 

\--

There were dreams, and then there were deep pocketed memories that manifested themselves as dreams. Javi moaned into his pillow, the startle of the pain of his past wresting him from his restless sleep, his head pounding as he blinked, body aching from sleeping on his stomach. The past had a funny way of creeping into his brain at the worst times, and he knew realistically it was stress, but couldn’t help but think he’d done something to piss off some deity, somewhere.

Not that he really believed in that, either. 

His nose crinkled at the smell of his clothes, sweat permeating the bloodied fabric. He’d slept on top of his sheets, not even bothering to get under them. Javi took stock of his body - his neck pulsed in pain, his head throbbed, and his legs felt heavy as he willed them back to life by thumping them on the bed a few times. His eyes wearily adjusted to the light, and he turned his head to focus on his alarm clock. 

Noon. He’d slept a few hours, enough to be functional, and despite how he felt, he knew it was a million times better than whatever he managed to pull off a few hours ago- a tightrope act of almost being a human. 

He had to get his head back in the game. With Diaz out of immediate danger, his mind turned to what happened next. He was angry and resolute in getting justice for her - no matter what anyone, including Bennett, said. 

The problem was that he wasn’t sure who he could trust. In Texas, his reach was long - he’d formed alliances with childhood friends and informants who just happened to end up on the wrong side of the law. Here, he had an inkling of who played for what side, and who was willing to bend a bit to get the results needed. But it wasn't absolute. And truth was, a lot of the men had it out for Diaz simply because she was a woman. It wasn’t said, but he saw it as clear as day on their faces, just as he saw the way the white boys on the PD had sneered at him when he joined the force. 

He pushed himself up and forced himself to take things one step at a time. He needed a shower, and he needed to check in on Mercedes. 

The bathroom was sparse but serviceable. Cranking the water as hot as he could bear, he stepped in, grateful for the steam to completely overtake him as his eyes closed, the heat and the pulse of the water temporarily loosening his back and letting him sink into some semblance of relaxation, if only for a few moments. 

Sighing deeply, he let his shoulders hunch as he tried to shake off the feeling of failure. He’d almost lost a partner, and a friend. 

All because he didn’t go with his gut. Instinct rarely failed him and he knew Bennett was on the wrong side of this. Storied career be damned. This wasn’t like catching old-school mobsters. Criminals evolved. Javi knew they’d have to fight a different way. 

When his eyes opened, he could see the lightest swirl of red circling the drain. 

\--

The hospital during the day had a different beat to it. The solemn echoes of hallways had been replaced with bustle and hustle. It made him feel better about Diaz being here, the uneasy quiet of last night had made the entire hospital feel like a morgue, and he realized much later that the quiet had unnerved him the most. 

The swell of bodies was almost disorienting as he briefly turned the wrong way down a hallway before he found the bank of elevators that had led him to Diaz just a few hours ago. 

He had surprised himself by navigating the subway perfectly, despite the schedule changes. A few weeks in and he was starting to feel like he was catching on, and despite the fact that this was a temporary layover on the way to the start of his new life, he still wanted to conquer every last bit of it until he was satisfied. 

Visitors and staff crowded into the elevator. He felt eyes on him almost immediately, and when he looked to his side, he saw a cute nurse looking back at him. It felt almost normal after the last 24 hours. As cute as she was, his mind drifted back to Sheila

The nurse got off on the 5th floor with most of the other people in the elevator, and Javi was buoyed by the parting glance. He still had it even though he didn’t feel quite like himself. 

The door opened onto the 6th floor, and he was surprised by relative quiet. The nurses at their station desk were murmuring in soft tones, their eyes traveling across him briefly before turning back to whatever was occupying their time. The scuff of shoes and an occasional groan from a patient breaking the relative calm of the floor.

He opened his jacket slightly to display his badge on his hip, his gaze forward. He wasn’t in the mood to be asked why he was here or who he was here for, and he knew the badge was a good warning to back off. 

Pushing on the door to 606 as softly as he could, he was relieved to see her sitting up in bed, awake, with a nurse busy at her side. 

“Javi...” Her soft voice was strained and raspy but he could tell she was happy to see him. Diaz’s eyes were open, a weak smile across her face. The nurse with her was giving her a new bag of saline, her eyes darting back and forth between him and Diaz, trying to figure out the connection. 

“Shh, don’t talk too much.” He admonished. In the light of day, she looked more like herself and it made Javi feel less helpless than the night before.

“My first visitor.” She whispered, a bit of sadness in her eyes. 

“Your family…”

Diaz shook her head. “Didn’t tell them.” She grimaced as the nurse took some blood. “Didn’t want to.”

Javi nodded. He understood. Sometimes family complicated things a lot more than necessary.

He pulled up a chair and sat next to her, not quite knowing what to say or do. They sat there in silence for a while, as she faded in and out of sleep. Javi mindlessly picked up a magazine and flipped through it as she dozed. He watched a soap opera on mute for a while, until his own eyes grew heavy from the quiet din of the room. 

“Oscar…” Her voice startled Javi, and he sat straight up, his head turning to see her eyes half open. Who the hell was Oscar? He’d never heard Diaz mention anything about anyone and hadn’t really wanted to pry. While Diaz could be open about most things, she’d said nothing about her love life.

“Do you need me to call someone?” Javi almost stood up to reach for the phone receiver but she shook her head.

“No, it’s…” She paused, her voice struggling. “Cat.”

“Hey, don’t struggle.” Javi quickly looked around the room, and found a pen and hospital letterhead. “Just tell me what’s going on.” 

He watched as Diaz weakly wrote that Oscar needed water, and that her keys were at the office. _Only give him food if his bowl is empty. He’s on a diet. He’ll be waiting right by the door. Can you bring me my own clothes? Laundry basket is clean. Bag under bed._ Hands shaking, she managed to write out her address before she gave Javi a look that told him she could do no more.

“I’ll take care of him and your clothes. Are your keys in your desk drawer? The one at the top?”

She nodded, her eyes half-lidded, almost ready to go back to sleep. 

“He’ll be waiting for you…” Diaz sputtered. Javi reached for her hand, and held it softly. 

“Shhh. No more straining, okay? It’s the least I can do, Mercedes.” Javi gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m here for you.”

He was buoyed by the smallest hint of a smile, her lips a little lopsided as she tried to grin, and it broke Javi’s heart. 

He held on until Diaz could keep her eyes open no longer, gently placing her hand under the blanket as she fell into what he hoped was a restful slumber. 

As he quietly left the room, his resolve was even greater. It wasn’t just Barnes he was after anymore. 

\--

True to Diaz’s word, Oscar was sitting right inside the door, as if waiting for someone to come and serve him. 

The cat curled around his legs, a hopeful look on its face. 

“Your mom said you needed water. You’ve got plenty of food.” Javi reached down to give the orange tabby a bit of a chin scratch, mindful that he was allergic. Even still, he couldn’t resist the pouty face of the needy animal. 

He filled up Oscar’s water bowl and set it back down, and the rotund cat looked expectantly at Javi, as if to tell him he wasn’t quite finished. 

“Look, your mom said you are on a diet. Eat what you have and if, and only if you finish that, will I put more in the bowl.” 

He swore the cat rolled its eyes. Javier shook his head. Thirty years old and talking to a cat. This is where he was in life? 

It felt a little strange, being in her apartment, gathering up clothing for a woman he’d just started to get to know. The implicit trust she had given was not lost on him, and he couldn’t help feel the nagging guilt that made him feel like his job wasn’t quite done. 

Diaz’s apartment was tiny but neat, an obvious economy learned over years of living in the city. She had a place for everything. Her neatly folded laundry was just where she said it would be, in a basket on the bed. All organized and easy for him to stuff into a bag. 

He briefly glanced over at the pictures that she had lined up on top of her dresser, all perfectly placed to see at any angle. 

Javi’s eyes grew soft as he saw her academy graduation picture. She looked so young, her bright beaming smile and her posture telling him how thrilled she was of her achievement. What he assumed was her mother was holding onto her arm as she proudly displayed her diploma. 

As much as she loved the city, he wondered if she could be convinced to try something new. Javi knew the look of someone who bore the burden of ghosts. Diaz had a trail of broken promises and dreams haunting her - from Queens, to the Bronx and now to Manhattan. He knew that if you let them, the ghosts would gladly consume you until there was nothing left, leaving shells of humanity in their wake. 

Ever since he left the hospital, he’d set the wheels in motion, even if they were only in his head. He had to get to whoever sliced Diaz, had to convince the other idiots on the case to get in line and he had to show Bennett he wasn’t afraid of pushing the envelope.

Most of all, he had to show Diaz that this wasn’t for nothing. She’d already sacrificed so much to get to where she was, and it was killing him that when she needed it the most, the DEA failed her. 

Javi had fledgling faith in institutions even though he participated in them. He wanted to do what was right and use the tools he had to fix wrongs. But the deeper he got, the less control he felt he had. Pushing the bounds seemed to be the only way to actually get real justice. 

Somewhere swirling in his thoughts, he couldn’t help but think despite this mess, it would help him in the long run. He’d heard from agents that the Medellín office was tough; lots of CIA and other competing factions vying to show off and most importantly, get money to fund their departments. If he came into the office with a reputation, maybe they’d be less inclined to jerk him around. 

Emptying the contents of the laundry basket into Diaz’s duffle bag, he took one final look around the tiny apartment. Oscar had his water, and he’d be back tomorrow to check and make sure he had food. Diaz knew that Javi wouldn’t give into the persistent feline, despite how persuasive he tried to be.

“She’ll be home soon, pal, I promise.” Javi gave Oscar a final scratch behind his ears before he closed the door, securing the locks solidly behind him. 

He stepped outside to a cacophony of city sounds, the kids on the street listening to something on the radio, loud and joyous. He imagined if Sheila was there, she would have danced in the street, face bright and open, her eyes teasing him as he stoically stood by. 

He shook his head. He couldn’t think about her until he cleared his mind and got all this shit back on course, even if she was the only thing keeping him somewhat grounded. 

Slinging the duffle over his back, he checked his watch. If he walked back to the hospital, he’d still have time to get back to the office after he dropped off her bag. 

Monday was just around the corner and he’d be damned if he’d let Bennett and his crew off the hook.

He had some homework to do. 

\--

Eight fucking o’clock on the dot Javi stepped off the elevator and walked into the office. He knew Bennett would already be there and he was going in, fucking guns blazing. Not even when he worked at the small-town, two-bit Laredo PD was something handled with such nonchalance. 

He’d spent Sunday pouring over everything in Diaz’s files, rechecking previous op reports, going over what Carter and Smith had done and he felt fairly certain that accepted protocols had not been followed, and he had proof enough to go to the deputy administrator. He hoped the threat alone would convince Bennett to back off. 

He blew past the receptionist and heard Bennett before he saw him, loudly complaining about something. The minute he clocked Javi, his face screwed up into an even nastier frown.

“Peña. Mind telling me what happened? I’ve got all these fucking forms to fill out now because you and these two couldn’t keep a situation under control.” 

Carter and Smith shrunk back, their bodies trying to fold in on themselves. Javi had never seen such cowardice. The agents in the Austin office always had each other’s backs, especially when it came to what happened in the field. 

He was barely containing his rage before, but that did it.

“Fuck you, Bennett.”

“Fuck me? Fuck you! You come in here, all Texas swagger and think you know what to do? Your first op out, someone gets hurt?”

Javi breathed deeply, his hands balled into fists at his side. “She wouldn’t have gotten hurt if you and your men had followed field operations protocols.”

“Don’t you even…” Bennett lunged forward, his stance trying to throw Javi off. 

As if he had a chance. Javi didn’t hesitate to get right up in his face. Even if he didn’t hit him, he could scare the shit out of him.

“So you won’t admit you skirted the rules to save money or time? Or that you blatantly put an agent at risk, not just once, but by my count, at least _nine_ fucking times by not having adequate extraction plans, or should I say no extraction plan? That’s completely against field protocols and you know it.”

He could feel the heat radiating off Bennett, his face red, his chest puffed. He was definitely getting under the older man’s skin.

“Oh so now you’re hung up on procedure, Peña? Didn’t seem to be a big thing with you before.” The man put his finger square on Javi’s chest. 

Javi looked down at where Bennett’s boney finger connected with his body, his mouth screwing up into a smile as he stared his boss down. 

_Just try something, asshole._

Javi puffed out his chest and went in for the kill.

“I’ve got proof. The paperwork you claim to have submitted? Blank. The agents you claimed were on duty, on leave. You can either admit you are wrong and let me take the lead here, or I’ll go to the deputy administrator.” Javi hoped the threat would render Bennett cold, but he had to admit, he was rolling the dice. 

Bennett eased back but scoffed, his voice lilted into a laugh. “You have no authority, and most of all, the deputy administrator doesn’t even know or give a fuck who you are.”

Javi was fuming. Time for another tactic.

“Respectfully…” Javi held up his hand, trying to avoid plan B. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the office on them both, then tension not broken by his attempt to change the tone. 

“Respectfully nothing, Peña. You should be thankful you come with such high regard and I don’t have the authority to cut you loose nor the manpower to replace you. Because I would in a heartbeat if it was my choice. Keep your fucking head down and fill out this damn paperwork.” 

Bennett threw the accident report papers on his desk, the force scattering them half of them on the floor.

Javi seethed as Bennett stared at him and the errant papers as if waiting for him to bend down and pick them up. 

Fuck him if he thought Javi would grovel and be appreciative. 

He turned around, Smith on his heels as he tried to get as far away from Bennett as possible. 

He knew he’d have to pull the trigger on calling in favors. It could backfire, but he didn’t see any other way around it.

He was barely into the breakroom when Smith almost collided into the back of him. He turned around on his heel quickly, his face set in a frown.

“What do you want, Smith?”

“Shouldn’t have put a woman like that in the field, isn’t that right, Peña? A man would have gotten himself out of trouble.” The man smirked as he put his hand on Javi’s arm as if the argument that Javi had just had went right over the idiot’s head. 

That was it. He couldn’t hit Bennett, but he sure as shit could threaten Smith. The rage he had been saving up would explode if he didn’t try to tow the line somewhat. 

With more force than he knew he had, he shoved the man against the wall, his face screwed into a hard glare.

“Don't fucking so much as look at her again, Smith. If I find out you are doing anything to mess with her or her career, it will be the end of you.” He pressed his hands deep into the man’s collarbone, teetering a thin line that wasn’t worth crossing over, but still the look of fear on Smith’s face was almost enough for Javi to feel satisfied. 

If he had been younger, Smith wouldn’t have stood a chance. 

“Hey, hey! It’s just that…”

“What?” Javi bared his teeth, his hands wrapping around the fabric of his colleague’s shirt pulling it tighter against his skin. 

He saw Smith consider continuing for a moment until the man shook his head.

“I see where you stand.” He spat out in disgust. “Women don’t belong in the agency and she’s proof of it. Damn liability.”

Javi had to get some air or he’d do something he’d truly regret. He untangled his fingers from the man’s shirt and pushed himself back. 

“Just go, Smith. Before I do something I truly regret.”

The other agent scrambled out of the breakroom, and Javi rested his head against the wall for a moment, willing his adrenaline to ease. 

He had to get out of this office or something bad would happen. 

Javi found his way out to the back staircase, and made his way down to the street. He needed a breather, a coffee, and to chain smoke about ten cigarettes, all in that order. 

He wove his way through the sidewalk denizens until he made it to Rex’s. The man recognized him and waved, the morning rush slightly dissipated as folks rushed out with their coffees and white treasure bags of donuts and bagels.

“Large coffee, Rex.”

“Sure thing, Agent. You need food with that?”

Javi shook his head. “Just the coffee.”

He was grateful for the quick service, and the nod as Javi left him a few extra coins in the tip jar. 

“You got a phone?”

Rex motioned with his fingers toward the tight hallway Javi hadn’t noticed before.

“Yeah, payphone is in the back.”

The coffee immediately made his body feel normal again, and he felt himself relax slightly as he walked back to the phone booth. He closed the door, and lifted the receiver, cradling it between his shoulder and ear. 

He pushed zero and waited for the operator. He only briefly hesitated before requesting a collect call. After all, this was government business. She quicked dialed the number as he waved off some kid who was waiting on him from outside the booth. 

The phone rang and rang, until his always exasperated former SAC picked up. 

“Menedez, what?” Javi smirked as he lit a cigarette. Same old grumpy fucker.

“Collect call from Javier Peña.” The monotone operator chirped into the line. 

“Shit.” The man rumbled low. “I accept.” 

The operator disconnected and he could hear Menedez’s annoyance 1700 miles away. It pleased him to know he still had that effect on his old boss.

“You got a few minutes? Got a problem here in New York I think you can help with.”

He heard the man huff, and then the unmistakable sound of a lighter misfiring a few times before a sizzle and sharp inhale of breath. 

“Shit, Peña, what the hell did you do _now_?” 

\--

It had been a long ten days, but Diaz had finally been cleared to go home. Her voice was stronger, and there seemed to be no lasting physical impact from her stabbing. He had picked up from the hospital, and she was grumbling about them making her use a wheelchair to leave. 

Their cab ride was mostly quiet and hadn’t told her everything, but enough for her to know that he was placed in charge of the Barnes investigation in the field. He was worried Diaz would be pissed, but her resounding _Thank fucking god_ made him smile in a way that he hadn’t felt like doing in a while. 

When the threat alone of going to the Deputy AD hadn’t been enough, Javi’s call to Menedez yielded results. After he told his old boss the story, Menedez had gotten him to Lewis, since they had been field agents together and were like brothers. Lewis had reigned holy hell down on Bennett after Javi had a long talk with him, walking him through all the missteps in the existing investigation. In the end, Javier was assigned as the lead agent and Lewis brought in the DA’s office, sidelining Bennett’s authority in the case. Finally, they might be able to get something done. 

Javi was smart enough to know that Diaz probably couldn’t go back into the field, and she was not ready to return for the rest of the operation. And while he hadn’t heard any chatter, he didn’t want to take the risk that someone in Barnes' operation had pegged her for a narc or a snitch. Still, he thought she could run point on the intel they were going to get now that they had DA cooperation. 

It took a bit of time for her to walk up her apartment stairs but they had finally made their way down the hallway, when a door flew open, Javier instinctively taking a defensive stance, his hand moving down to his weapon, but when he saw an older woman pop her head out of the door, he relaxed. 

“Mija!” The woman threw up her hands, a smile that reached her eyes on her face. 

“Teresita, cómo estás¿” The strength of her voice surprised Javi, but he figured she was putting on a good face for her neighbor. 

“Mejor ya que sé que estás en la casa.”

Javi eyed the woman, her housedress crisp, and her hair perfectly curled. Her eyes scanned Diaz up and down, like she was giving her own review of the state of her, no matter that she was allowed to be home. 

“Mija. Estás demasiada flaca. Mira esto!” The older woman wrapped her long fingers around Diaz’s arm. “Mas flaca!” She briefly ducked her head inside, coming back to the hallway with a tinfoil container. “Mira te hice arroz relleno. Te vas a poner raquítica. Tienes que comer sabes. No me gusta verte así _no no no_.” The small woman thrust the tin foil container into Javi’s hands, still warm, the aroma making his mouth water slightly. “¡Asegúrame que sé cóma esto, sabes!”

Javi raised his eyebrows, eking out a small Si to the woman before she turned back to Diaz. 

“Gracias, Teresita, yo te prometo que me lo como todito.”

“Espero que si! Me tomó toda la tarde hacerlo!” Teresita smiled affectionately, her small hand cupping Mercedes’s face. “Qué alivio saber que estás mejor ya. Yo estaba en puro temblor de la preocupación.”

“Yo estoy bien. Mira, mi colega aseguró que nada malo me paso.” 

Teresita pulled on her glasses, delicately held around her neck with a gold chain and gave Javier a good look over. He was waiting to get the verdict from the older woman, knowing she’d read him like a book. 

“Si ya lo veo.” She nodded, her lips firm in their approval. “Bueno a comer. Que ahorita es tiempo de ver Eddie Miro, Que tú sabes que a él no lo pierdo por nada.”

“Por supuesto Teresita, yo sé que no vas a pender una cita con tu enamorado!” Diaz teased.

Teresita tsk’ed but smiled widely. “¡Ándale a comer!”

Javi grinned, his memories of his abuela’s insistence of eating lingering in his mind. Cici never let her stove rest, and it seemed like Teresita was the same.

Teresita gave them one last look as she slowly made her way back to her apartment, the door closing and the volume of the TV increasing even as they walked further to Diaz’s door.

“Is she always like that?” Javi asked as he palmed her keys and quickly made work of the locks. 

Diaz smiled fondly. “She’s the ultimate tía and abuelita all rolled into one. The minute she found out my family was ‘all the way in Queens’, I became her granddaughter. Her children live in Miami now, so I think she likes having someone to worry about.”

Abeulas were the same - no matter in New York or Texas. 

The door swung open and Oscar stood, awaiting his audience. 

“You’ve got an odd cat.” Javi motioned toward Oscar, who remained still as if waiting for someone to anoint him. 

“He’s not odd, he’s just...old.” Diaz tried to bend but Javi’s hands shot out, steadying her. 

“Hey, no bending!” 

Diaz narrowed her eyes. “Don’t baby me!”

Javi shook his head. “Need you back in the office, it’s simply self preservation!”

He could see the frustration in her face. He certainly understood it, even if it didn’t change the fact that she still needed to fully recover. 

“The nursing service will be here at two. Will you be okay until then?” 

Diaz rolled her eyes and Javi knew this was already going to be a sore point. “Come on Peña, I don’t need a nurse, I’m fine!” 

As if on queue, the universe told Javi otherwise, as his partner tried to hide a grimace of pain. 

“Take the help. Maybe the nurse can help you eat this ton of stuffed rice.” Javi hefted the large tin foil container in his hand before placing it down on the table.

Diaz shook her head and lowered her voice. “She’ll know if I don’t eat every last bit.” She looked to the door and back to Javi, her eyes wide. “Es psíquica!”

Javi laughed. “All abuelas are.” Javi motioned toward her small sofa. “At least sit down until she gets here?”

“Fine, fine.” Diaz gingerly sat on the couch, and Oscar was quick to jump up. “Easy, buddy.” She smiled as he sat on the armrest, content to get chin scratches from his mom. 

“How are you going to let the nurse in?” Javi asked. He still felt uneasy about leaving her, but he was sure she was anxious to be alone, even for a little bit, especially after being poked and prodded for the last two weeks.

“Same way I let everyone in, Javi. It will be fine, trust me. I can get up and walk to the intercom.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Go. I promise it will be fine.” She paused, as she tried to adjust herself on the sofa, clearly uncomfortable with her neck position, and rolled her eyes at Javi. “Okay, fine. Can you get me a glass of water?”

He eyed her wearily. “I don’t want you ending up flat on the floor with no one to help you. I can stay, really.” Javi rinsed a glass that had been sitting in her dishrack and filled it half-way with water, crossing the small room to hand it to her. 

“Javi, come on. I’ve gotten this far in life. Teresita has an extra key. Trust me, my neighbors have my back.” 

“Okay, okay. I mean, I can’t risk having this department’s best agent grounded again because she tried to fix a plate of arroz relleno and fell flat on her ass.” 

Diaz smirked and waved him off. “Go!”

Mostly satisfied that she’d be okay, Javi closed the door behind him, the dulcet sounds of Eddie Miro filling the halls as he descended the stairs.

He had unfinished business to attend to, and he was determined to ensure it went off without a hitch. 

\--

It hadn’t been easy to figure out who the strung-out flunkie was, but between Carter’s guilt over the entire situation and a call to an old friend of Diaz’s in the NYPD. He finally got a name. And then a place. And he was wanted for another assault. 

He knew he couldn’t get involved in it directly, but he set the wheels in motion. And he found an ally in an old co-worker of Diaz’s who worked in the precinct where this lowlife lived. 

It was frustrating to stand in the shadows and watch other people get him justice, but at least the man was off the streets for now, and if Javi had any hand in it, he’d find a way to keep him from being bailed out. He wasn’t anyone Nicky Barnes cared about, so he had a good chance of keeping him on Rikers, spinning his fucking wheels for a while. 

Sometimes things worked out the way they needed to.

He certainly wasn’t going to tell Diaz, or breathe a word of this to anyone else, but damn it felt good to have a win. He’d take it, however small it may seem. 

The temporary lightless was fleeting, a brief flicker of ease in a bumpy road ahead. Bennett was eyeing him wearily, waiting for one administrative fuck-up to send him packing. Smith was none too happy that he’d pulled a favor up the chain to get the department on the right course. And Carter, despite helping Javi with the perp, was firmly back on Smith’s side, a snake in the garden after all. 

He tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind, as he turned onto Sheila’s street. 

Truth was, he felt weary and tired from the events of the last two weeks and he didn’t want to put it on her. He had almost said no to her invitation, but between their rushed phone conversations and promises of a long weekend together, it was hard for Javi to resist. He missed her.

Javi pressed the weathered button for Sheila’s loft, the ‘H’ in Hernández almost faded away to nothing. He was surprised the button worked, considering all the problems Sheila said she had with the building and its upkeep.

He knew better than to ever try the elevator.

The heavy buzz of the lock disengaging pulled his troubled mind from its worry and he took the steps two at a time, anxious energy propelling him toward a woman that turned him inside out in the best way. 

The door was propped open and he could hear her talking as he walked in.

“No, I am not taking less than ten on it, Ralph. That doesn’t even allow me to recoup costs. If you’ve got ten theaters running it four times a day, by my calculations you are bringing in at least twenty-five.” Sheila gave him a tight smile and Javi settled down on the sofa to let her finish up what he assumed was an argument about money.

“No, I am not backing down on the ten.” She paused for a beat, and Javi watched as her brow furrowed, her body heaving from a deep sigh. Yeah, well, fuck you too.” Sheila slammed the phone down, and Javi had to admit, after this week, he wished he was slamming objects too. 

Sheila looked at him apologetically. “Just trying to stiff me, as usual.” She walked over to the sofa, and gave Javi a quick kiss. “Missed your face.” The soft touch of her hand undid him, the tenderness making him feel like maybe this could be a real thing. 

She straddled his legs, and wrapped herself around him, rolling her hips slightly. Javi hardened immediately, the friction delicious as his brain short circuited. “Miss that even more.” 

His body was tired and it was hard to focus with her so close, despite his physical reaction.

“Come here.” He whispered low, bringing her face close to his. 

“Javi…” She sighed, her cheek brushing his. “God, just missed your body so much.” She kissed him softly, her tongue darting out to capture his, and just like that, he was back down the rabbit hole again. His weariness aside, her damn presence made him feel like he could do anything. 

“You may have ruined me. Can we just..sit here, like this?” Her skin was warm and sweat slicked but he didn’t mind. 

He sank into the sofa, bringing her body even closer. “Yeah.” He ran his hands up and down her back as she nestled her body against his. A momentary peace in a world that was determined to keep him unhappy.

The stillness of their connection unnerved him. Vulnerable as she traced her warm hands down his arms, his legs, her lips giving him the softest kisses on his neck. Nothing to entice him, just to let him know she was there, and she felt him just as he felt her. 

He felt naked and his mind was telling him to run as far away as possible lest she uncover the most unsavory pieces of him, the ones that made everyone leave in the end. Too much work and not enough Javi left for anyone. 

Including himself. 

A clock in the cavernous loft clicked as Javi closed his eyes and tried to focus. Focus on her body, the way she felt, the stillness of her welcome weight, keeping him grounded.

He’d never been this intimate with a woman before. It scared him a way that no covert op or gunning for drug dealers could. 

“You hungry?” She mouthed the words against his skin, lazy and sweet. 

Javi shook his head. He couldn’t tell her was strung out on nerves, too many cigarettes and too much bad coffee making him feel better with nothing in his stomach. 

“A drink then?”

“Yeah, that'd be good.” He slid his hands down her legs, just feeling her, so sure and warm against him. She stood and he steadied her, her hips swaying as she walked into the kitchen, returning to him with a glass and whiskey in hand. 

“One drink, and then I want to take you somewhere, let off a little steam.” She sat next to him, her long legs stretching out, her arms slung around his shoulder, teasing the hairs that started to curl at the nape of his neck from the heat.

Javi didn’t think it was the greatest idea, considering how he felt. But in the moment, he couldn’t deny her anything, as she kissed his cheek and slung her legs into his lap, her soft voice telling him all the things they’d do later on. 

\--

Sheila allowed him one drink before they were back out the door and onto the streets of Soho. She had told him she’d been stuck inside for days, trying to finish her latest film, and she was dying for some fun. She all but dragged him across the cobbled street, his feet unused to the unevenness. It was like the entire night was conspiring to keep him continually off-balance.

Sheila stopped at a plain looking door, a large man standing guard. 

“Hey Jimmy! David is in tonight, right?”

The man at the door smiled. “Sure is Sheila. Haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“Been busy. This is Javi, he’s with me.”

They made their way up the narrow stairs and into a massive room. Sheila’s space felt tiny compared to the vast expanse they were standing in. He couldn’t believe something so large was hidden in a seemingly innocuous building. The ceiling was filled with balloons, so many that you couldn’t even see any white. The crowd was young and hip, and he immediately felt out of place. 

Definitely not his scene at all. He could see a wall of speakers, a lone man behind what looked like record players, the music unfamiliar. 

He’d never felt more out of place. Even when he went out in Texas, it was more dive bars and jukeboxes, not fancy spaces like this one.

“Wanna dance?” She held out her hand expectantly and Javi shook his head. 

“You go ahead.” He was wrung out, the bright lights and symphonic sound making him feel boxed in, a sinking nausea in his gut warning him of something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

Settling down on a sofa that lined the space, he watched Sheila weave her way into the crowd, like she was born to be there, her long arms reaching high as she fell into the natural groove. He quickly lost sight of her amongst the bodies, but he knew she’d find him when she was ready. 

The music was on continuous loop, the beat ebbing and flowing and the dancers reacting to each low and high. It almost made him feel nauseated. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, willing the feeling away. There wasn’t a bar that he could see and clearly not enough alcohol in his system to get him to relax. 

The other people on the sofa seemed almost unaware of him, jostling against his sides every now and again as they animatedly talked, their voices growing louder to overcome the music.

His unease increased as the tempo of the music sped up. He felt a pounding in his head that wasn’t alcohol induced.

Standing up, he craned his neck to see if he could find Sheila to tell her he needed air. Maybe she’d follow him and he could convince her that a quiet night in was a much better way to work out nervous energy. 

He caught the back of her head in the crowd, swaying in perfect time to the music. When she turned around and flashed him a glance, he paled. 

Fuck, she was high as a kite. They’d never talked about it, and he’d turned a blind eye to Vanessa’s affection for weed. She had argued with him that his drinking was far worse. Vanessa had never done it around him, but he knew about it in a vague sense. It had been easier for him to not think about it, especially since he had kept her at arms length. 

But Vanessa wasn’t Sheila and this wasn’t weed. 

“Javi! Come here…” Sheila’s eyes danced as she made her way back to him. She held her hands out and he backed away. Her face fell and as her brows knit in confusion. “Come on baby, what’s wrong?”

Javi looked at her incredulously. 

“What’s wrong? Javi seethed, as he leaned in momentarily so she could hear him. “You are fucking high, Sheila. Fucking high and staring at a DEA agent.” He breathed deeply as he made space between them. 

Fuck. He really needed to get out of here. 

“I was just letting off some steam. I figured, out of sight, out of mind.”

Javi pursed his lips, his chest heaving. “You’d think I wouldn’t notice? I’m _trained_ to notice, Sheila.” He quickly looked around, finding the exit. “I’m leaving.” 

He sprinted down the stairs as fast as he could, not sure that she was following, and almost not caring if she did. 

The air was a welcome respite, and he started to walk down the street not quite sure where he was going, just trying to put as much distance between himself, Sheila and that loft as he could. 

“Javi, wait!” Her voice sounded so far away, but he could feel her warm breath at his back, her voice small. 

He started to walk to the other side of the street, away from the revelers and Sheila. He didn’t want to talk to her, didn’t want to say something he’d regret. 

But most of all, he didn’t want to look at her face and see betrayal. 

“Javi!” She called out again, and he stilled. There was no use in running because she’d follow.

He turned the corner onto a quiet side street and rested against a wall. The brick was cool against his back as he leaned against it, and he tried to ground himself. He was angry, but disappointed too. He liked her too much and hated himself for being so angry, but fuck. 

Sheila turned the corner, out of breath, eyes still glassy. 

He tried not to look directly at her. It hurt too much. 

“Can we just...talk?” She pleaded. 

“Talk, then.” He crossed his arms tightly against his body, his eyes scanning for an out once she was done with what she had to say. He could feel the walls closing in, emotions draining out of his body, trying to replace feelings with a passiveness reserved for a perp. 

Sheila shook her head, sobered up. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s not like it's a thing, Javi. I’ve done it maybe three times, including tonight. It’s been a rough week. It’s harmless.”

Javi glared. “Fuck you and harmless.” He spat out. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” 

“Are we doing this?” Sheila cocked her hip, annoyance flashing in her eyes. 

“After the fucking few weeks I’ve had, yes, we are doing this.” Javi lowered his voice as he looked around. “I could get in deep shit for being somewhere like that.” 

“Look I said I am sorry. It was a mistake. I just wanted to let off steam. You aren’t the only one that has bad weeks.”

Javi shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t do this, Sheila. You can’t do that and expect me to be okay. This isn’t okay. We.. aren’t okay. No fucking apology is going to make this better. Just...go.” Javi squared his shoulders, trying to put conviction behind the words. 

The watery look in Sheila’s eyes told him everything. He hated himself for hurting her but hated himself more for trusting her. 

Javi stared ahead, avoiding her gaze and he could feel his jaw clenching as she began really crying. 

“I didn’t mean to mess this all up.” She tried to step forward, and Javi pulled back.

“But you did.” 

Sheila sniffled, her body language tight. He could tell she was searching his face, trying to get a lock on his eyes. He couldn’t chance that because he knew he might break if he really looked at her. 

“I know when to cut my losses Javi.” She stepped back, and he felt like the air changed around them, her voice stronger than before. “You know where to find me.” She paused slightly. “I hope you do.”

Javi couldn’t look at she walked away but his eyes caught the gauzy trail of her dress lifting up into the air as she turned the corner, and into the night. 

\--

The street was almost quiet, the lone buzz of the neon sign that beckoned him into the dark cavern of a bar the only sound on the street. He’d walked the opposite direction of Sheila until he was too tired to go any further.. No cabs crawled the street and the siren call of alcohol enticed him, the velvet of the bar stools worn perfectly, a few singleton patrons eating and drinking alone. 

He slid onto the stool and held a finger up to the bartender, who was slow moving, but quiet. Perfect for the night he’d had. 

“Whiskey, double.” The old man nodded, and as he poured, left the bottle on the bartop. 

The first drink went down smooth, the familiar feeling of dizzying inebriation taking hold as he tried to square his thoughts about Sheila in his mind. He poured himself another, and with a practiced motion, tossed it back without even the slightest grimace. 

It all felt like a slow moving train wreck. The quick way they’d come together, the intensity of it, and the feeling. Fucking feelings. Javi should have known something had to go wrong. Nothing came easy, and certainly with his track record, he should have known something would get in the way. 

Pulling out his crumbled pack of cigarettes, he lit one and rested his head in his hand, pressing the palm against his eye, a headache blooming rapidly, creeping its way down his neck. 

So lost in his own misery, he barely clocked the hand that placed the plate down in front of him, or the presence of another person sliding onto the barstool beside him. 

“Rough night?” The voice was soft, deep bass that reverberated off the walls of the tiny bar.

Javi looked up into the reflective mirror of the bar back. The dirty blonde hair was wrapped in lace bows, makeup strong and almost comical, the outfit not quite like he’d seen before, a mix of sequins on a black bathing suit. It felt dissonant, but then again, so did New York City. 

“I didn’t order this.” Javi made to push the plate away, but a large hand held firm. 

“I know. But the way you’re liberating that bottle from its contents, you need something in your stomach.”

“Not hungry.” 

“Don’t care if you are or not. You want to drown your sorrows here, you are welcome to do it. But you’ve got to cushion the blow.”

“Says who?” Javi mumbled.

The figure held out his hand, bangles clanging against one another. “I’m Rob, and I own this place. My rules say if you are getting shitfaced in my establishment, you must eat something. You looked like a steak man, so that’s what you’re eating.”

Javi took a bleary look at the man, his gaze firm, brooking no argument.

“Fine.” Javi had little fight left in him. He had been too tense earlier to eat with Sheila and if he was honest with himself, his stomach wouldn’t survive the onslaught of whiskey that was already swirling around in his body.

He took the fork and speared a french fry first, dragging it through the brown sauce. Begrudgingly, he had to admit that the crisp potato tasted amazing,

“I expected more fight out of you. You must have already gone fifty rounds with someone else.”

Javi nodded. “Something like that.” He took a sharp inhale from his cigarette, and blew the smoke up and away from the man and speared a piece of the steak.

“See, it’s not so bad.” 

Javi frowned slightly and shrugged. “Haven’t eaten all day.”

“Whose fault is that?” The man bit back.

Javi chuckled slightly. Fair.”

He ate a few more fries before he felt settled enough to take another bite of steak. For all the terrible things that happened, at least the steak was medium rare. It still burned slightly as he tried to get it down. 

The food seemed to settle him a bit, his mind still whirring from the rush of alcohol. He hated this feeling - being hurt in a way that was like a jagged knife against his skin, making him feel stupid for opening up to someone, even a little bit. Thinking this time would be different. 

It hurt because he liked her. More than liked her. She knew what he did and she didn’t fucking care. 

It never seemed worth it to get close. 

“A little advice?” Rob reappeared, as if out of the mist. 

Javi cocked his eye and shrugged. “Why not?”

“Whatever it is and whomever it’s about, don’t hold onto whatever you are feeling. It will pass.”

Javi shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Not sure it’s even worth it.”

Rob frowned. “Trust me, if it wasn’t worth it, you wouldn’t be here trying to forget it.”

His lips thinned, and Javi looked down into the plate of food, his brain wishing it could turn off and not think. 

“Need to forget for now, at least.” Javi mumbled, hoping the owner would let him be. 

“You plan on finishing that bottle?” 

Javi shrugged. “Maybe. It’s a free country, right?”

Rob smiled, a bit bemused. “Last time I checked, at least for some people.” He grabbed a napkin and a pen, shoving them toward Javi. “Address.”

He shrunk back, briefly pondering pulling out his badge, immediately defensive. “What for?”

“Honey, I’ve got to tell the cabbie where to drop your sad sack self off at the end of the night. Give it to me now and I’ll let you drink in peace, scout’s honor.” Rob held up his hands, the bangles clacking noisily against each other. 

“I'm a federal agent.”

“And I’m a _damn_ queen, sweetie. But in these walls honey, we are all the same. You are drinking to forget. That’s a fucking privilege. I don’t want you stumbling out of here just to get hit by a car or worse. I promise I’ll rip this up once I get you to where you are going.”

Javi pondered it for a second. Trust of strangers wasn’t something that came easy to him, but he figured given the circumstances, he’d rather take the chance so he could drown himself in whiskey and regret.

“Fine, but I am not happy about it.”

He quickly scratched out his address, and Rob tucked it in his bathing suit straps. Javi let out a bemused noise that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. 

“Just remember sweetie, there is no easy way down. You can forget tonight, but soon you are going to have to face the music.”’

And with that, Rob was gone, weaving his way through the small room until his figure turned too blurry for Javi to focus.

He turned to the bar and swirled the amber liquor in his glass, letting it take him down as far as he was willing to go. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also available on my tumblr: https://holographic-carmen.tumblr.com/


End file.
